Random Ramblin's 40 - WHAT?! CORONA LOCKDOWN!

Hi there, you join me in the comfort of a dark room, sipping upon blue wkd with some synthwave instrumental music on in the background. Comforting right? Oh yes i agree. Anyway it has been a while since i did a RR but here we are back again! 

There's been a lot to write about but i have expressed my worries, rants, concerns and feelings into my gorgeous girlfriend instead, so i aswell as she could take a load off our heads and just get back to feeling good and moving in a rhythm. BUT lately this year, well hey, we are at the end of April and for me this year has been............TERRIBLE! 

It's a shocking, upsetting, depressing, year and my mental health has fluctuated a whole lot! 

I won't go into everything that has happened this year but; I have lost my nan, lost someone else close, had arguments, we are in a world emergency crisis and locked-down so unable to see my woman or any of my loved ones or friends, I've had toxic people try to control me and my mrs and one tried to use us as scape goats and that my dear readers is not what a friend is or does, regardless of history with said person you do not do that to a friend or anyone ever!

So yeah this lockdown has come to be and it's added more stresses and more cracks are being unearthed in my foundations of mental stability. I am cracking under all that i have gone through this year, i am cracking up under all this lockdown and quarantine nonsense, i'm cracking, i am breaking.

Each time i think or say it cannot possibly get any worse, it does something happens and makes me breakdown uncontrollably and cry or feel angry or frustrated. The most dangerous thing right now in all this lock-down is being locked inside our minds with the negative thoughts.

We all need to take care and go gentle on ourselves!

I am a grown ass man and i have my feelings and i am very much in tone with those feelings i am a highly sensitive person and i am not ashamed to admit that i feel things and that i cry. I recently for the first time in my life cried in my shower that's how broken things are for me at this moment in time as i type all this out loud, as i cry again from my head being such a horrible force to go against me, it feels as if its trying to ruin things trying to make me not have nice things to sabotage my own happiness like.

It's fucking insane! 

It's insane to feel so broken in yourself too. It's crazy to feel insecure about yourself but also so highly emotional and to be a person with such strong empathy like myself its bloody hard too. It's hard when you feel so much that you care so much about every single little thing and how you must want everything to run perfect and smoothly too but it does not so you make back ups and back ups of back ups and so many back ups that you are backed up of back ups.

Got no work, can't see my mrs, family or friends, I can't really go anywhere and do anything because it's only shopping or exercise locally or face a fine or possible jail time in this crisis.

Only thing good about the Corona-apocalypse is the memes.
People need to stop hoarding items mind you and stop lighting grass fires and stop fly tipping!

I am living with so much trauma and grief right now. 

I hope you are doing better than me.

I will be bright as a diamond again soon!

Remember to stay shiny! 

Better days are coming!

Drowning In The Breakdown

It's so hard right now, to think straight,
I feel like my head is coming unscrewed,
My emotions feel so skewed,
I have no idea, how i feel in the moment,
I try to stop the spiral but it keeps sucking me in,
I'm reaching out, i need the help,
The healing, the recovery is all so raw,

Drowning in my sorrows with the world in dismay,
Suffocated with so much grief,
My vision clouded and out look bleak,
A magic 8 ball can't help me now,
Drowning my sorrows with booze, It dull's the pain,
But the memories, they remain,

I've never felt a pain like this,
I never expected it to last as long as it has,
That pain keeps stabbing me and pulling me under,
Mental sorrows which continue to cast me asunder,
My head space is an uneven grounded reality,
I take walks into nature with music blasting between each ear,
Hoping to see the world a lot more clearer,

Dealing with so much is not easy,
The days are long and the heat is brutal,
The miscommunication and assumptions are no help,
The expectations are of a natural world,
I rest impatiently waiting for the normal to return,
I keep myself busy and work all night and all day,
I type and i edit as the sun goes down and end as the sun comes up,

Drowning my sorrows with food for comfort,
Suffocated in so much negativity,
Jealousy runs rampant of those who are spending time together through quarantine,
Afraid of catching the new black death, the new biological weapon,
Getting run down and run over by so much, it causes a breakdown,

Drowning in my sorrows by bottling it up,
Getting numb from the usual pain,
Need to get free from the cage of sorrows and anger,
I need to be released from the agony the world has caused me,
Escaping from reality with gaming and movies is a constant effort,
I've thought the worst things, i'm continuing to burn my fire,
Trying to keep myself warm and alight,
Forgive me for not controlling that bright burn,
I need you by my side to help me weather the storm as it's easier together,
The demons can't fight our army,

I'm not good at expressing my feelings,
I'm so used to bottling up, using food for comfort,
It's easier to hate ourselves than to love thy self,
When you been victimised and bullied you're entire life,
When media all portrays this is how people should work, this is what to expect and need and desire,
I'm sorry for showing disregard for the rules and wanting you close for selfish gains,

Drowning my sorrows with food and alcohol,
It's not right or healthy but it's the unnatural response we have all been brought up with,
Men don't talk or feel or show emotions, But I do,
I feel so much, i'm an empath, i can feel you're emotions right now,
It's alright to feel how you are feeling, the world is not normal and we're all suffering,
We're all healing, It's all going to work out and be okay, be thankful, be grateful,
We're alive and we are breathing.

Bored? Check out Gurren Lagann!

Let's talk. Mecha Anime. Specifically Gurren Lagann.

Everyone tend's to think straight to the likes of the giants that are Gundam Wing series or Evangelion. Not much seem to show love for Gurren Lagann. 

Let me tell you of how epic an anime is that it makes you rethink a genre. Gurren Lagann did that for me as i had no interest in mech anime. I had seen some Gundam Wing as a kid like but was not fussed. Evangellion is one i am set to watch soon.

What is Gurren Lagann and what is it about? 

Gurren Lagann takes place in a fictional future where Earth is ruled by the Spiral King, Lordgenome, who forces mankind to live in isolated subterranean villages. The plot focuses on two teenagers, Simon and Kamina, who live in a subterranean village and wish to go to the surface. Using a mecha known as Lagann, Simon and Kamina reach the surface and start fighting alongside other humans against Lordgenome's forces, before fighting the forces of their true enemy. 

It's 27 episodes long which you could finish in a day provided you skip the intros and outros of course. If you want action, mech's, adventure and some laughs along the way this is the anime for you.

"Do the impossible, see the invisible, Raw! Raw! Fight the power!, Touch the untouchable, break the unbreakable, Raw! Raw! Fight the power!" - Libera Me From Hell! 

“Believe in yourself. Not in the you who believes in me. Not the me who believes in you. Believe in the you who believes in yourself.” - Kamina

What If?

What if?
A phrase could break me?

What if? 

A question could inspire me?

What if?

The answers aren't so simple?

What if?
I'm not good enough?

What if?

I did this or that?

What if?
I cant do it?

What if?

I could do it?

What if?

I could wonder further?

What if?

I slept a full 8 hours?

What if?

They did not pass away?

What if?
I did not take that step forward?

What if?
I die tomorrow?

What if?
This is it?

What if?

We were all free?

What if?

There was no fear?

What if?

I'm doing the best i can?

What if?

I truly am the best in the world?

What if? 

Goodbye is not forever?

What if?

History was different?

What if?

See you later is not to happen?

What if? 

You were here?

What if?

I said this or that?

What if?

What if?

What if?

Missing You Is Like Missing A Limb

In a world where lockdown runs wild,

And Quarantine reigns supreme,

We must not be lost, or apart, nor blind,

Where our fave musicians are all live on stream,

We can only blame that dreaded Covid-19,

We are forced apart, for safety,

For family, for the world,

All we have is our word,

I miss my lady, my baby,

Missing you is like missing a limb,

I awake expecting to see you next to me,

I wake thinking this is the day things won't be grim,

It's easy to escape this reality,

We have to dream, we will meet again,

Our world feels like a movie,

Surreal, uneasy, peaceful, eerie,

Some are trying to not to listen, taking all for free,

When they hear daily to stay home, we are living in history,

This has not happened before, it probably won't happen again in our lifetime,

It's okay to lose your cool and to whine, 

Missing you is like missing a limb,

Feels like you have always been here, 

I am lost now without you near,

It feels like i am missing skin,

You are always on my mind,

Sleep well, take care, be kind,

It's hard and we are all suffering,

We are in different ways handling,

Stress, anxiety, depression runs amok, 

So we have to stay home and read, lets pick a book,

Let's continue to reach out, to talk, to support and love from afar,

For the time will come one day soon where we will hold eachother and smile with tears,

For this lockdown and quarantine will not last for years,

Missing you is like missing a limb,

I move, i turn, i think, i hold, i don't feel the same,

I think of you more than ever, 24/7,

Hearing from you is like getting a little piece of heaven,

I'm sorry it's unpleasant, i'm sorry it's difficult,

The pain i feel, is so surreal, The world has me so bummed,

I can't wait for the day our hands to touch again,

May our souls shine bright, until then.

Cracking Up! - A comedy song (original song lyrics)

I'm stuck in a lockdown, 

I'm in quite a bind,

I think i'm going round the bend, 

I think i've lost my mind!, 

I think i'm cracking up, cracking up, 

Everyone's shaving their heads,

Cracking up, cracking up,

Over all these hard boiled eggs!,

I'm bored got nothing to do now,

I wanna see my people, I wanna see a me-ow!, 

That's Jerry the neighbours cat, who even walks a cat?, 

My dog he's a Jack, he's exhausted from all the family taking him on a stroll,

I think i'm cracking up, cracking up, 

Everyone's going toilet paper mad,

Cracking up, cracking up,

I hope they wash their hands!, O_O

They say it's okay to leave the house, 

I walk out for an hour, hoping not to crack,

I stretched and slipped and owch, i've hurt my back,

I think i'm cracking up, cracking up,

Who designed exercise,

Cracking up, cracking up, 

I need a bloomin' rest,

It's time to do my weekly shop,

Oh buggering hell, there's nothing here, 

Not even a flip flop!, 

Do whores whored more than anyone else ya wonder?, 

I think i'm cracking up, cracking up, 

Julie's been jogging twice this afternoon, this is a civil unrest,

Cracking up, cracking up,

Please hurry and make an arrest!,

Cracking up, cracking up, 

At all these bloody memes,

Cracking up, cracking up, 

Ol Dave's forgot his bag for life,

Cracking up, cracking up,

What a week it's been,

Here in quarantine,

I don't get the fuss, 

No time to rush, 

Oh bollocks!,

It's only Monday! 

ABOUT THIS PIECE

So there's a corona virus lockdown and the nation is in self isolation with quarantine.

I have heard, read and seen so many things that i thought i would put myself in the shoes of a 60 year old no nonsense man who thinks the world is going crazy or is it just him? Haha, this was fun! 

Written: 3AM 2/4/20 By Scott Jones  

You're at peace - Soft acoustic song tribute to my late nan. (original song lyrics)

*Acoustic guitar strumming* 

Went round the corner today, to your old yellow house, 

in a street where everyone knew your name, 

I walked to the door and put my hand on the handle, i hesitate, 

I hesitate,

I walk on in and see nothing in sight, 

no paintings, no photos, only sunlight,

Kettle's cold but your biscuits still remain, 

Hope you're happy seeing your favourite cowboy, Ol John Wayne, 

I hope you're happy and at peace, 

While i'm down here in pain, 

you deserve to be free at least,  

Please don't ever leave us in the past,

Your memory will live on for at last,

You're at peace. 

Sleep on in silently there my friend,

You made us laugh and chuckle til the end, 

I miss you're face and your laugh,

Remember playing you in bingo and you'd call house,

Getting us to check your ticket when it was a false, 

I hope you're happy and at peace,

Knowing we are doing you proud at least,

You wont be forgotten, you're memory will remain,

Apart of our hearts forever, 

You're at peace,

*Acoustic strum solo*

Be at peace now my friend, 

I loved you to bits and i won't forget, 

All the lessons you taught and all the heights you reached, 

For this is not the end, This is not the end, 

I'll see you in my dreams, i'll see you later on,

Down the road, the skies are clear, because you're at peace,

You're at peace, 

*Acoustic slows down to a halt*

You're aaaat peeeaaaceee

ABOUT THIS PIECE

Wrote this in memory of my late Nan. Wrote this in how i feel. It's a soft acoustic song. I wish i was an actual talented musician so i could get the tune out of my head to bring this to life but hey i am working with what i got now and that's a pen and some paper. Well now obviously its transferred to my computer and blog but hey here we got its 2:30am and it's the second of April 2020. 

This is for you Nana, I love you and i miss you!