R.I.P. Jack

Recently after 15 years, my family and I had to say goodbye to our Jack🐶😭💔

I'm glad he's free of pain but still sad he's not here and I have to stop myself from asking "where's jack?". I feel like he's just gone out the back or for a walk with my dad or maybe sleeping upstairs🥹

Jack was my dad's shadow. He was a hunter dog through and through but also had so much energy and even in his golden years would snap back into puppy looney zoomy energy. He used to pounce for things and that always made me laugh and whenever he would attack his bed and make his little growls, because a Lazer was pointed at it.😂

Jack would also love to keep you company and open the door when you are in the bog or when you are trying to sleep in your room. 😂

I'll miss him always, thanks for the past 15 years of laughs and barks, R.I.P Jack❤️

In Loving Memory Of Steve Evans

Hello everyone, so a close family friend has unfortunately and unexpectedly passed away today....this is raw to me, and I am still in shock, and it's been 6 hours (as of writing) since I had the news broken to me from my best friend James, that his Dad has passed away.

James told me last night his dad was not well and had to go to hospital. 11am James contacted me as he needed someone, so I stayed with James and chilled and chatted and tried to distract him from the uncertainty of what was going on. It was a difficult task because we were both holding out for hope and both scared and uncertain of what to do or say or how things were looking. Steve I did my best to look after and comfort your son and I will always do that for you. Anyway, what makes me so much in shock is like we did not see this coming at all, there were no signs, he was fine and then just gone?! I know not of what I am writing or the goal of this post, it's a vent, it's raw, it's shock, it's emotional and so sad.

I have known James and his family for like 20 odd years, So I have been treated pretty much like family by my best friend James and his family. Steven Evans was like a second Dad to me, I was always treated with utmost respect and love and care by him. Steve always made everyone smile and laugh. He had killer Ozzy & Borat impressions that always made me laugh and smile. Steve would always be found at his beloved Chepstow Racing Course or in the Cardiff City Stadium watching his precious Blue Birds go at it in any home game of footie. When Steve was not at his beloved places he would be at home or on the farm or out and about with James or their dogs Leo and Sam. Sam unfortunately passed a few years back now but wow what a dog he was.

Whenever I gamed with James at night, Steve would always come into James room and greet him with some banter nicknames which always tickled us all, from calling James "sadness" or "child" it would always result in a "wtf haha" moment. James would often complain of Steve walking in his room at random points just to let a ripper off (a fart). Life doesn't make sense sometimes how good people can just be taken away with no signs, no indication that something isn't right. Never thought Steve would leave us, let alone this early in life, 60 is still too young.

The last interaction I had was Steve was upon leaving James house Thursday night/Early Hours Friday morning after Steve picked me and James up from seeing Electric Callboy in Bristol. I thanked him for taking me and giving me a lift home and said take care, and I'll see you soon. He said the same to me. I always made sure to thank him and treat him with the most utmost respect and politeness, he was a man that deserved the best and nothing else. On any car journey or trip James and Steve would play Yellow Car and also a game they made up where you make a sentence up from the last 3 letters of a car's reg plate and now that game always provided such laughs. If I was ever a bother or burden or annoying, please know, I am so sorry Steve.

This is the last photo I have of Steve.

I have no idea when the weight of this will sink in for myself, let alone James and his family. I keep expecting to hear someone say that it's some sort of prank or lie, but It does not seem to be happening, like James said to me, "this feels like some sort of sick dream I am waiting to be woken up from" and same here James....same here....

Furthermore, I wish I could have hugged and thanked Steve and told him, I loved him and how much he means to me, before he left this mortal plane. I hope he knew. I hope James and his family will be as OK as they can and that Steve can look out for them from beyond this world too. I am so sorry James. Please know I will give as much space as possible to the family and do whatever I can to help out, whenever I can. I am so sorry for your loss and I will love and miss him forever and always cherish the memories that I have of the legendary, Steven Evans.

Grey Skies (Original song/lyrics/poem)

The Grey skies are here,

My eyes have clouded over, from the grief,

I can't see the light,

Awaaaaay from the light of day,

Grey Skies, they haunt me, (they haunt me)

Grey skies, got a hold of me, (they got a hold of me)

Stay with me and hold my hand,

In the walk through never ever land,

I've been Peter, Always looking for my Wendy,

That mean ol Captain went and took her away from me,

It all happened so fast, in the blink of the eye of the tik tokin crocodile,

The grey skies are here, Peter can't you see,

My eyes have, clouded over and he's there tormenting,

A mean voice in the back of my head,

I shy from the bright of day,

Laying awake in bed at night, my shadow keeping me....awake,

Grey skies, wendy haunts me,  (she haunts me)

Grey skies, have their hold on me, (have their hold on me)

Tink, tink, tinkering with the bell,

A voice appears, grimacing a glee,

He insists it's Schmee, 

I lost my friends the only boys i see, 

When they all lost their faith.... in me, ( in me)

The grey skies are here,

They suffocate me drowning out the...liiiight,

I can't breathe, 

The night fills me with fright,

I lost my belief in magic this night,

The grey skies, above me, (they're haunting)

The grey skies, have their hold on me (they have a hold on me)

written 3:11am

13/12/20

by Scott Jones

You're at peace - Soft acoustic song tribute to my late nan. (original song lyrics)

*Acoustic guitar strumming* 

Went round the corner today, to your old yellow house, 

in a street where everyone knew your name, 

I walked to the door and put my hand on the handle, i hesitate, 

I hesitate,

I walk on in and see nothing in sight, 

no paintings, no photos, only sunlight,

Kettle's cold but your biscuits still remain, 

Hope you're happy seeing your favourite cowboy, Ol John Wayne, 

I hope you're happy and at peace, 

While i'm down here in pain, 

you deserve to be free at least,  

Please don't ever leave us in the past,

Your memory will live on for at last,

You're at peace. 

Sleep on in silently there my friend,

You made us laugh and chuckle til the end, 

I miss you're face and your laugh,

Remember playing you in bingo and you'd call house,

Getting us to check your ticket when it was a false, 

I hope you're happy and at peace,

Knowing we are doing you proud at least,

You wont be forgotten, you're memory will remain,

Apart of our hearts forever, 

You're at peace,

*Acoustic strum solo*

Be at peace now my friend, 

I loved you to bits and i won't forget, 

All the lessons you taught and all the heights you reached, 

For this is not the end, This is not the end, 

I'll see you in my dreams, i'll see you later on,

Down the road, the skies are clear, because you're at peace,

You're at peace, 

*Acoustic slows down to a halt*

You're aaaat peeeaaaceee

ABOUT THIS PIECE

Wrote this in memory of my late Nan. Wrote this in how i feel. It's a soft acoustic song. I wish i was an actual talented musician so i could get the tune out of my head to bring this to life but hey i am working with what i got now and that's a pen and some paper. Well now obviously its transferred to my computer and blog but hey here we got its 2:30am and it's the second of April 2020. 

This is for you Nana, I love you and i miss you!

R.I.P. Nana Jones

I love you lots Nana❤❤❤❤❤❤ You meant the world to me, we had such a laugh from all the times you baby sat me as a kid, to our adventures out and about and down Porthcawl on holiday. Your "yisee mawrs" and "jesus thomas" always made me laugh and I will miss them greatly. Such a great, wonderful, funny, cheeky woman I've had such an honour to have known and it's been an honour to be your grandson. I'll continue to make you proud and make everyone laugh on your behalf. Thanks for the memories and laughs, I love you so much and I'll miss you....always. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

It's a crazy world and we're in such a crazy time and year at the moment and I'm saddened and lost for words on losing you but I can sleep easy knowing your not in pain or suffering anymore and that you'll have a hell of a party up there with Datsy and Kenny and Scooby! ❤❤❤❤❤

In loving memory of my amazing, wonderful Nana. I've donated and I'm raising awareness for Dementia.👍😊 My mother and sister did a lot for my nan in her last years and took such great care of her and they are such wonderful women and superheroes for all they did and continue to do so thank you both.😊❤❤❤ The nurses who also came to take care of my nan I can't thank enough either. They allowed my mother and sister to have a break from their constant care of my nan and we can't thank them enough for what they did to. From getting my nan up and putting her to bed to doing her some lovely cuppa's and giving her, her fave foods and fave biscuits, the rich tea kind of course.😄 

I miss my Nana a lot and I know it's hard times and this just all feels like a bad dream but I know and find comfort in that she left this world in peace and she is not suffering and in pain anymore. She's reunited with my Datsy and Uncle Kenny now so that's why we are blessed with such gorgeous weather as the heaven's are smiling and she's letting us know that she's safe, she loves us all and she's at peace. 

I love you so much my Nana. Enjoy time with Datsy and enjoying John Wayne movies.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ 

Late Night Ramblin's: Vol 2 - Sad But Tr-U-Tube

Well look at the time 4am, time to get a load off my mind.

I have a YouTube channel been on YouTube almost 10 years. It's not going anywhere hasn't been for a while sadly. I stopped caring. I let the hate and negativity get to me aswell and I got mad due to it. Some day's I'd get sad due to it aswell.

My channel still stands it's "1stmetalgod" btw. I still post but I don't get views or anything none like I used to. I was never paid to do YouTube that would have been awesome but it never happened.

What's on my YouTube? Gaming clips, vlogs, stunts, comedy, enlightenment, entertainment a basic wide variety.

Why did I do YouTube? For fun and I have a passion for creating of course. For years I didn't have good gear as many others did and I suppose that's my downfall well one of.

When you have family who say "you're videos should be more entertaining and family friendly" I know and I agree. I went into YouTube thinking of myself not others.

I didn't have a good logo in particular. I had a few made for me which I love and appreciate the people who did them and their work of course but nothing which like stood out.

I didn't have any particular warming over the top openers or closers. I'm pretty self conscious and lack self esteem and confidence which I can blame on having a shitty school life what with being bullied and all. It's basically ruined everything.

So as you can see its been rough for me. What I did have however is 260 subscribers, views and comments and subscribers from all across the world and I've made some really truly special friends along the way. I can't thank everyone enough those who have stuck with me on my channel for so many years.

I don't think this is the end just yet but maybe it's the realisation of what was and the inspection of what will come. 

Thanks for reading :)

Top 10 Song's That Make Me Cry! (I cri evrytim)

Alri? Been a while since I did a top 10 i know but whilst I was talking to my good friend James Davie on skype the other night he asked me what song's make me cry so I named a few and then I thought what if i make a top 10 list of this? So I challenged myself to do it and here it is! I hope you enjoy and hope you feel something to these songs as I do. CLICK ON THE NUMBERS TO LISTEN TO THE SONGS!

ONE SONG PER BAND. 

I'll post the meaning of the song if I can think of one or if I can find one online. 

10: Darkness - Disturbed

There could only be one Disturbed song on my list sadly as I put in the rules mentioned above. This one from the first time I heard it had tears streaming down my face. David wrote this song as an expression of how he felt when he lost his Grandfather and his journey to cope with his loss. 

9: Vermillion Pt.2 - Slipknot

Part 1 sounds like a general creep/stalker singing to himself about a girl he likes it has a dirty just gritty take music wise HOWEVER, Part 2 is not that part 2 is a beautifully structured track. The differences (between the two tracks) are subtle – 'Vermilion, Pt. 1' is about the enrapturing, the buildup, the anticipation and the neurosis," says Taylor. "'Part 2' is the aftermath, the pieces that have to be picked up later, and maybe the guilt of having lived through it.". Both songs are said to be about lost or unrequited love from a possibly suicidal person's perspective.

8: I Don't Love You - My Chemical Romance

Simply put it's an emotionally painful song clearly about a breakup. In the video the boy is completely black and the girl is completely white. I think this is to prove that they are so opposite they can't make it work. And one of them realises this. Then at the end the girl cries a black tear because she wishes they could be together and she wants to be more like him but who know's the true story behind the song I have not found anything besides other's who think like me over the song being a break up song. 

7: Simple Man - Shinedown

I like this cover much more than the original by Lynyrd Skynyrd because I find Shinedown's cover to be much more powerful and emotional. The first version of this I heard was the live version Shinedown did in 2009 I believe which they said before they started to play that it goes out to their friend Dimebag Darrell so that hit me because I am a big Pantera fan and I love Dime. It's one that hits me right in the feels.

6: Closer To The Edge - Thirty Seconds To Mars

Although it's not a sad song, it's one which I find is powerful musically, lyrically and emotionally. If I have not heard this in a while I do tear up and cry. Jared Leto explained to Musicradar.com that this song very nearly didn't make the album. He said: "Actually, we were going to throw this song out, but we decided to keep it. It was hard to mix, a total pain in ass, but I'm glad it made the record because I think it fits in with the overall framework of the album. The song is a mission, an adventure that takes you on a journey. Maybe that's why it gave us so much trouble: We had go on an adventure as a band to get it right. Some songs come very easily and other ones fight you. Oftentimes, the ones that give you trouble turn out to be the best ones - this is an example of the latter."

5: Shadow Of The Day - Linkin Park

This is a powerful song sometimes it does not get me I admit but when I sit there and think and listen to the lyrics it always does get me. Life for sure isn't easy or simple. So whether it means moving on in life or moving on through death, it's important for us to know that this is life, and if it hasn't happened to you already, it will and that's what I think this song is about and represents. 

4: Remember Everything - Five Finger Death Punch

Powerful and raw is this tune! I think of my parents and family when i hear this... because it seems like I'm never good enough for any of them... no matter how hard I try. I think this song overall is all about a guy telling his family that he is sorry for everything that happened, but he also can't forgive them for what they did to him. He wishes that things didn't happen the way they did, and asks if they could start over, would anything change? He is vividly telling the listener that abuse is real, and instead of ignoring it, one should talk about it and try to bring peace to all who were involved. It's a very powerful song, and can not go unnoticed.

3: Zzyzx Rd. - StoneSour

Zzyzx Rd. is a love song written to Taylor's wife for helping him in his struggles against alcoholism and contemplation of suicide and omg is it a beautiful and emotional track that gets me choked up every time.

2: How To Save A Life - The Fray

This one since the first time I ever heard it always makes me cry and think of my grandfather. According to lead singer Issac Slade the song was composed and influenced by his experience while working as a mentor at a camp for troubled teens: He was asked about it in an interview and this is what he said “One of the youngsters I was paired up with was a musician. Here I was, a protected suburbanite, and he was just 17 and had all these problems. And no one could write a manual on how to save him.” Slade also says that all the people who tried to help the kid were unsuccessful. And that is what the song is about. As Slade says in an interview, the boy's friends and family approached him by saying, "Quit taking drugs and cutting yourself or I won't talk to you again," but all he needed was some support. The boy was losing friends and going through depression. He lost his best friend and could not deal with it. 

1: My Immortal - Evanescence

Every single time this plays the tears come streaming down my face it's unbelievable how powerful and emotional this song is. This Song Is About Amy Lee Who Lost Her Sister At A Young Age also so I'm not sure what is sadder the song or the meaning behind the song. It's my number one what else is there to say about this. 

BONUS: Brick By Boring Brick - Paramore, Jet City Woman - Queensryche & Everlong - Foo Fighters (These makes me sad time to time because of an ex gf and yes I know how pathetic of me to say such a thing.)

ANOTHER BONUS: Through Glass - Stonesour & Disturbed - Sound of silence.

So that's all sorry for such a depressing, emotional list today but it's good to cry every now and then. Good for our eyes and good for the soul. Thanks for reading :)