Warning this post is a huge compilation of best bits taken from all 30 instalments of my blogging series known as random ramblin's. CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE!
Alri? Hows it going?
About me: I am known as Scott to some and 1stmetalgod to others and i have randomly decided today of all days to return to blogging. So last time i used this site was in 2010 and with my first blog just giving my thoughts,my opinions on games future releases coming out that year and year after i believe. I cant remember and i can not be bothered to go back to visit it as it may come across to me as cringey and i may not even remember writing the stuff i did and that may make me annoyed. I know so weird haha.
Animals not contributing to the world - SLOTHS! Plain and simple. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING!? Sleeping all day and night lazing about like the run the show. YOU BASTARDS NEED TO WAKE UP AND HELP SOME ANIMAL OUT OR DO SOME WORK YOU LAZY FUCKS! Why am i getting angry at this? THEY DO FUCK ALL AND ITS ALRIGHT? THEY ARE CALLED CUTE!? Here i am if i slept late for work i am called a lazy bastard and hated? BULLSHIT! Fucking sloths what do they even do bro?!
MOTHS - THEY EAT DUST? Yeah good job at doing that ya pricks. I heard they are blind and nocturnal? Yet wait for it what do they do when we see them at night? FLY TOWARDS FUCKING LIGHTS HITTING THEM REPEATEDLY! FUCKING FUCKS! YOUR SUPPOSED TO HATE LIGHTS RIGHT? WHY FLY TOWARDS THEM HITTING YOUR HEADS REPEATEDLY!? Oh motherfucker look at me ranting about MOTHS.....MOTHS! BLOODY MOTHS! AND SLOTHS! BLOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Games that require an online connection - Since games and the internet came out both have been major resources for wasting time,lets be honest. Since games and internet decided to come together it has been good and bad. Good in terms of new games and dlc and online multiplayer's being free etc. The pet hate i have is having a game but being unable to play it because your wi-fi is down. "To play this game please get an internet connection" NO YOU GET THE ABILITY TO BE PLAYED OFFLINE YOU KENT!
WrestleMania 30 Taker vs Lesner - SPOILER ALERT* (Thought i would say that in the off chance YOU WERE IN A COMA LAST YEAR) So WM30 the unthinkable happened Brock Lesner ended the Undertakers undefeated streak.....AND FOR WHAT?! A lame title reign that lasted ages for a guy who barely had a match? Smooth move wwe! Taker has not retired yet either and seems to be getting his streak back going sort of haha so what was the point in doing that to us Vince!? WHY DID YOU KILL THE STREAK YOU DICK!
Why return and blog? - A question you are most probably wondering is that why am i blogging?,What are you doing this for? Why did you make one blog in 2010 and then leave it for 5 years? All great questions a simple summery answer is: I felt like its a right good time to return to here. Why did i not post anything else the past few years? Mainly because i forgot about this place and or my passwords and or had nothing to blog about so i concentrated more on my youtubing.
Microsoft - Say MS aint it such a brilliant idea to charge your loving users £80 FOR US TO BE ABLE TO WRITE AND MAKE POWERPOINTS!? FUCKING BASTARDS! Hey also Adobe photoshop lads BRILLIANT FUCKING IDEA TO OVERCHARGE THAT SHIT WE ALL WANT TO USE! WE CAN NOT AFFORD YOUR FUCKED UP PRICES OK SO LOWER THEM YOU PRICKS! WE WANT TO USE YOUR PRODUCTS BUT NOT EVERYONE CAN AFFORD THE PRICES YOU WANT FOR THEM SO FUCKING LOWER EM!? YOU ALL ARE ALREADY RICH SO PLEASE DO THE DECENT THING AND FACKIN LOWER UM!
Condoms - Right so why are there so many boys/men around who go bareback in to the nearest piece of tarts around huh? ALL MAKE THE SAME EXCUSE! "Oh i dont like the feel of condoms" TOUGH! You wear one or you get a disease ok or a kid. Having a kid you cant take care of or that you did not want is fucked up and i hate those kind of humans. Any girls reading this MAKE MEN AND WOMEN USE PROTECTION! DO NOT LET EITHER SEX TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU! ITS NOT A WOMAN'S RESPONSIBILITY TO CARRY AROUND CONDOMS FOR MEN! THAT IS THE MANS RESPONSIBILITY! If they say any excuse for not having or wanting to use a condom tell them no or tell them to try something else to wrap their dicks around and if they say "oh i am allergic to the stuff" tell them to get the allergy free material or to show you their medical records alright! BE SAFE, BE SENSIBLE!
Forest Fires - Kids,Teens and Adults. PLAY A GAME,WATCH A FILM,OR PLAY AN INSTRUMENT INSTEAD OF RESORTING TO LIGHTING FIRES THAT ARE DANGERS TO US ALL OK! DO SOMETHING FUN AND PRODUCTIVE, DON'T START FIRES!
Now lets move to depression and well my experience with it. In the year 2012 things were worrying me a lot as it was supposed to be the last year of the world in aztec culture you know so we had the internet and news full of doom and gloom reports of the world ending soon so that was playing to my mind you know, what if this year is the end etc and it was no way to live and think constantly and what not and i was at the time working in a work experience placement that was an insurance company. Its a lovely company the people there are all funny and lovely too but what got me to become depressed that year aswell as the impending end of the world was the fact everyone there was older than me and i to be honest think i had a breakdown of a panic attack i was doing the same thing every day,same time,different day,same place,different clothes you know where i am going. Anyway i looked around myself and seen everyone in the office as they are older than me and a colleague was helping me with a spreadsheet and his hand was on the desk and i just looked at it stared at it what felt ages and then i looked at my hands and it just hit me really fast right on my head and got me overthinking. I am getting older. i am going to be old. I AM GOING TO DIE! That was the point my breathing was getting faster i started to panic i excused myself calmly and went to the toilet to try and calm down by soaking myself with water and telling myself its all ok and things will be better and i was over reacting so 5/10 mins later i emerged and went back to my desk no one asked a thing about me and then it was the end of the day of course end of the world,aging and death were on my mind on a bus ride home and it was getting me worked up so much but know what pushed me off the edge? Seeing a plane in the sky (of course) and imagining myself parachuting and that was it,i was sat on the back of the bus just panicking to myself sweating, i kept it all in,all in my mind this was going off it was a set of mini bomb explosions just making me sweat breath faster and just the sheer level of overthinking was too much and just of shit i am going to get old and die some day,what happens when we die? what would i rather do be cremated or buried? and so on i wont go to much into it because still thoughts of death and what's next and stuff still gets me to over think and a lil upset,see i told you i was an emotional sensitive guy. However my depression lasted 3 months and boy it was no fun or no walk in the park,i would act around people normal but on the inside i would be destroying myself overthinking of all the things i mentioned and now by the way through my life i have had these little what if scenarios in my mind before i try or do or go somewhere that also have frightened me and put me off a lot of things in this life. Depression for me was feeling extremely lonely when i wasn't to feeling burned out which was a form of laziness and anti-social so i would be like purposely avoiding people because i didn't want to get any thoughts and ideas to make me dwell deeper into sadness and bring anyone down with me,i kept things on the inside because it felt safe when really looking back on it,it was a stupid thing to have done, i should have talked to people about it but i was afraid people would not take me seriously. It made me see no point in living of which i had contemplated suicide but i did not go through with anything at all because i was stronger than the thoughts, i thought to myself it would be messed up and sad and i was better than that and i will beat what has a hold of me and i did beat it,it took 3 months but i did beat it, it took me hanging out with my friends more so i can get distracted and get my mind off it and onto better things like giving myself a purpose to keep on fighting and what caused me to break free from depression you may ask? A night out with my best friend James and his gf to a nightclub and to have drinks,enjoy the company,the night,music and our surroundings and also being hit on by some random girl of which i ended up dancing with, nope i didn't get her number and she also never did add me on facebook or follow me on twitter but its her fucking loss,she didn't want this legend that's her problem,the day after that night out i felt alive again and it was a good feeling and i was actually up and atom doing things with my head out of the clouds free from the rain.
God that was a bit tough to get out of my system to remember back and to talk well type about but something i have discovered during my depression is writing about it did help and writing about other things,just writing is such an awesome thing to do to get your head away from your troubles and to be teleported into a world of creativity to write what ever you want.
People who call their stomaches aka bellies, TUMMY'S - I HATE IT WHEN I HEAR OR SEE PEOPLE GO "Oh my tummy hurts" I just hate it because its such a childish thing to say and if a grown up says it i cringe and i automatically hate the person then. IT BUGS ME SO MUCH!
Women,who stand you up - Oh such a touchy subject this can be well anything with women mentioned written by a man is always risky to some. Ok ok ladies and lads listen up ok. First off when a woman and you organise a meet up and day before she is all totally up for it excited and you go then the next day to your meet up point and there is no signs of her. Ok so you decide to wait.....an hour later you get pissed off and she is not returning calls or texts and then head home as she is clearly not coming for some reason. So you head home log onto facebook and guess what her account has been deactivated or she has blocked you? WHAT A BITCH! Anyone who does that shit is an automatic bitch clear and simple. THERE IS NO FUCKING NEED! IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO MEET UP JUST SAY "HEY SORRY I CANT MAKE IT/I DONT WANT TO MEET UP WITH YOU" AND WE WILL LEAVE IT AT THAT AND YOU CAN GET FUCKED AND GO LOOKING AND JUMPING AT THE NEXT GUY YOU THINK YOU LOVE!
Ghost-Fuckers - Also known as people who lie about being in a relationship or having fucked him or her here or there what ever. I know your covering yourself up to be more manly and what not but do not lie be truthful because real friends do not need to prove their worth or manliness to their friends they need to be truthful plus if you are caught out in your lies you are gonna be wishing you hadn't lied in the beginning as your friend's will be ripping into you like fuck and guess who's gonna feel more insecure then? Ding ding! Yep, YOU!
I have dreamt a few times of losing teeth and it has woken me up really scared and just had me paranoid and checking my teeth and now I have read many meanings of that dream as I have had it more than most dreams and its meaning is,I need a change in my life. So yeah I have made changes and I have not had that dream in about 2 years now seriously though that dream is a mindfucker.
A huge mind boggling dream I had was also well it seemed real was a dream where I was Milla Jokovich you know the actress yes it seemed real and it was really bizarre. I woke up like what the fuck is going on. I was her on set of a film and in a resturant and even with her kids you know it felt and looked like I was there as her. So bizarre and weird it freaked me out now its still bizarre but also funny.
Toys - What a weird topic scott! I KNOW BUT HEAR ME OUT! I was babysitting my nephew and you know we engaged into a toy combat with his toys he had brought with him an unopened toy which had a sword so i opened it for him and now the sword with the toy was feeling like it was gonna break soon it was soo bendy so i gave it to my nephew and he put the sword in the figures sword holster or the scabbard if you want to get fancy technical. Anyway, he put it in then pulled it out or tried to and the handle broke which left him really shocked and sad he was like "oh no" i said to him "don't worry im sure i got superglue somewhere here" and i did not find any but i used blue tack and he just said "yay thanks" and then left it blue tacked and stuck in the holster so thats good but the point i am making is they do not make toys aswell as they used to. Toys when i was a kid were of course breakable and did break but only after overuse or a nasty bang with the toy not just break as soon as you take the thing out. Toys also seem to be very pricey these days. Toys are still cool though!
Online dating - So i recently started back on this internet dating. Oh god scott this is like a diary of sorts now right? Well no and yes. I wont go into things on my end with the online dating and hows it going (ITS GOING OK COUPLE WOMEN WANNA MEET ME SO YA) and i got to admit there are loads of sites and all different genres and interests aswell and some dating sites are just stupid as fuck let alone the people on there! Girl 1's bio: "I only date men who smell nice" well Sherlock you are gonna have to meet the guy then to see if they smell nice before you full on go out with them? Girl 2: "I have eyes you know" THEN COVER UP YOUR FUCKING TITS AND GET A MAN WHO WILL KEEP EYE CONTACT ON YOU LOVE! Girl 3: "Urgh please dont talk about my tats i know i have loads but c'mon i am more than ink" That is true but your tats are also interesting so what am i supposed to just go "Oh a tat of foghorn leghorn? better not ask why you have that for right i mean you know live in the moment you only foghorn your leghorn once right?" XD Girl 4: "i want to hang out but i want kids but i am not interested in fully dating dunno why am i on here tbh message me fishies!" Woah woah woah ok crazy alert there for that girl. "I only date whites" well that girl is racist XD Seriously though girls be sounding desperate as fuck on them sites but you message them and they dont respond back is kinda hmmm low? no shallow? yeah shallow.
Checking yourself out in random reflective surfaces - Oh you vain mother fudger yes why yes i haha am. Done this several times oh do i have any sauce on my face hmm nope nope i cant see any and some person always pops up outta nowhere like "what are you err doing?" its like oh shit sorry just checking something. Worse bit i have experienced it was when i was 12 and i was in my dads car we had come back from somewhere and we stopped for petrol and so he fueled up and i was in the passenger seat and yeah i was bored and i was checking my face i had some acne so i started squeezing some spots and then i was making faces for entertainment and i looked to my left and seen a guy and girl in the car looking at me laughing which i just slid down my seat in embarrassment like oh god why nope im leaving haha
Lost in music - Headphones in music blasting and no one is around i suppose i will sing maybe quietly too and oh shit everyones looking at me i better stop. God how embarrassing done this on trains and busses mostly haha. One time i was waiting for a bus and i was lost in a world of music from andrew wk and some guy came from nowhere and tapped me on the shoulder i jumped a mile pulled my ear phones out and the guy said "scuse me have you got the time?" i said yeah "10 past 8." and he said thanks and walked off. He must have hated my singing damn.
Results day - People have had their results and passes into uni today. Congrats and all that to em. I didn't have results I wanted but then again I also never had any dreams of going to uni etc. Well I did have a dream before I was in uni and had blue hair but that's about it hahaha I've learned a lot more since leaving school and im sure if I could resit my exams now that I would not get an A so you know haha i revised like mad but ofcourse when you have 3/4 exams in one day aswell as the environment your put in for exams its kinda pressuring and well makes you kinda panic and just not focus on all you've revised and so your memory just goes to mush. Anyway you cant let a piece of paper dictate how your life will go. You do that! You can expand and level up skills you have aswell as develop new ones schools miss bits that we should be taught. I've never used algebra since I finished school yet I've had to pay tax,insurance and vote? Which ones the least important subject there? Since I beat the school levels that very much felt like a prison,I have expanded and gained new skills aswell as done some awesome things and met some amazing people and gained new friends and yes for 2 years I was in no mans land just skint,jobless and unable to go out to do some wicked stuff with friends or buy things I wanted but then eventually I did gain a job which is shit but I've gained money a lot of it and you know had 2 cars and been to lots of shows and met people I never thought I'd even meet but I did it all. I am here still at my shit job and of course I want to do something that makes me happy and keeps me on my feet using all my skills and with a good fun environment and of course I will end up with what I want one day since I believe that's fate but before that people need to concentrate on the present and remember what they've done and learned and where they've come from because thinga could be way worse than they are. Keep your heads up. Its ok to feel defeated and sad now and then its the learning process of falling down we learn to get back up and we learn to climb that mountain and ride that bull long and hard until we are satisfied and mosey on. So whether you had good results or the bad just well done for coming this far and just aim high do things one bit at a time and you will reach your goals in no time. Be happy dont worry you did your best dust this off and stand back up. Thing's are brightening on the horizon.
So about 3/4 hours ago i came back from having my very first tattoo. Yes i had one and its crazy to me that i have one i thought as a kid. Prison people or tough people only have tats but well nope not always as i am neither. I took it like a man. I did not flinch move moan or anything i did bite my lip at a lil bit of it and it did of course hurt like its supposed to haha. I had pantera's CFH logo on my right leg its like 5 inches big and 4 inches wide well thats my rough guess. 3 hours before my tattoo i did apply numbing cream but it was also raining and i did have shorts on so by time my time came for a tattoo i am pretty sure it wore off. I did and have made a film of this whole tattoo process well i say film its a video that is most likely 10mins long its nothing much just documenting a week before a week after and the week of me getting my first tattoo. What did it feel like? It felt like a needle well like a pin you know the pins you use for sowing well it felt like that was being dragged and like stabbed me a lil bit you know, it was bearable pain. I have had worse fillings than my first tattoo. I had a filling before where the needle didn't inject the anesthetics proper so it my cheek and mouth did not go numb and christ the pain from that jesus my head was aching after it along with my mouth and i did say to her (yes my dentist is a woman) my cheek is not numb and so she prodded me with the needle 5 more times i was aching man more so than this tattoo. Why did i have this tattoo? Well i love pantera and i wanted a tattoo but was unsure what so i thought i will have CFH logo on me as its not too big or detailed and it will be a nice starter incase i want more and i am planning more but i am unsure yet when i will be having them but there we go. This tattoo was a new great experience for me and if you want a tattoo i say go for it! Honestly before you have one make sure you have a look at the place you want to have it at and you have an idea in mind and you get to know the artist a little bit and well soon as you have everything set in stone book a tattoo wait and then go have it. Honestly people say it hurts which it does and everyone's pain tolerance is different some cry,some swear,some scream,some shake and i have been told some pass out! Do not worry about it get an energy drink in you get a good amount of sleep and make sure you are focused and pumped up for it and when you are in process of being tattooed make sure you listen to music or talk to someone with you it makes things seem a lot faster and less painful as i was concentrated on the music that was played and talking to my friend lewis when i was having mine and all worked out well and oh yes it also helps if your tattoo artist is a funny mad mad like mine was. I work security at a recycling plant and what i am going to have to do is put bepanthan (yes you need to apply nappy rash moisturizer daily for it to heal) and wrap it in cling film and then put my trousers on which aint too loose but since i work in a shit hole rubbish recycling site i need to take extra caution and safety and i will be doing this tomorrow as i go back to work. I love days off but jesus christ they go so fucking fast its so painful! Soon as i got home from having my tattoo though i will admit i was pretty panicky you know worried and shit like i was worried it wont be taken care of rightly and id have to lose my leg and what ever and you know now i am calm and well pretty calm and yeah i think i can handle it really you know. Gotta get myself into a schedule and then its all gonna be fine :) Right nuff of that lets mosey along en!
So we are near the end of 2015 and to tell the truth this aint been a good year for me but it has had its good moments. The worse bits or rather contributors to assisting how bad my year has been has been my employer. They have fucked me about and fucked me off soo much this year. I may make a one off blog post about it all but anyway I gotta move onto a downer. Past few months I have not been feeling like myself at all and I may have noted it before in a blog but i've got a book aswell I been writing in about it all a lot more and well the things that have been affecting me and that ive been experiencing I have been doing research on and well all signs point me to depression. I have been declining and questioning if its tiredness or depression but depression is the more clear answer. I'll summarise what ive been feeling now and stuff if you would like to provide help. Bad memory - cant remember driving to and from places,cant remember doing a check call when I have noted it and like unfocused. Eating more aka comfort eating. Not getting much sleep and taking longer to sleep. Worrying over how much sleep I will get,the future and death. I'm unsure if I should call this next bit parranoia but like not wanting a call from work and just looking everywhere in work see if anyones there trying break into site and if my work shows up for a visit. Loss of confidence talking on phones.Not knowing how to make decisions so basically I want to quit my job but I dont want to aswell. Unwillingness to get out of bed when I wake up for work. Wishing I was sick to constantly get days off. Feeling of not being used and of my skills diminishing due to lack of opportunities to fully utilize them.contant tiredness yet not being able to sleep like I take too long to drift off and did I already say this I cant remember. Feeling stuck restricted cut off from social time. God there's so much I bet I forgot a few. Things at the moment aint going too well. I dont think I should be driving or working like this in this mindset but I also dont want to stay with my employer. To my friends and family yes I know ive been ok happy normaish and funny but know that behind that false mask I wear the inside has been covered in rain which needs to dry.
Should we in the uk take in refugee's? - Yes and No. Yes because they are people after all. No because the uk already has a lot of bad shit going for itself we got homeless out of work british people who served and did not serve in the armed forces and our government seems to be bringing in more refugee's than we can handle but most importantly the government,
gives these migrants/refugee's everything! We should help our own first to be honest. I am not trying to be nasty or what ever ok i am just speaking the truth and we aint as good as the countries they are fleeing from and why britian and why not the country next door or something? We give benifits to them thats why. It is unfair to know we have people of our own country suffering yet we will be allowing/bringing in more foreigners than ever and giving them everything. Yes if i was a refugee/migrant i would be fleeing a war torn country too ok and i am very sorry of how many people lose their lives trying to get here but please for the sake of yourselves take a safer route do not jump on board a makeshift raft with all your family to get here because it is so tragic and heartbreaking when people end up losing their lives.
I almost came close to unfriending a person on facebook for posting she was enjoying herself in uni reading the bible while listening to classic fm. I know what blasphemy XD
Right oh so off the bat i hate being an adult, friends going their separate ways so am i and just not having time to hang with them so much but aswell as that the bad news i said i had received has put me in a place where i should be with my family for a bit more than anything. I won't go into it as i have not told any of my friends either you know its tough but getting there one day at a time and that. Uni you are taking my friends away how dare you! Job you are taking my spare time away how dare you! *sigh* Moving on.
This week there was another school/college shooting in america which fucking irritates me. The fact also the news likes to bang on about the shooting and the bastard who shot killed and injured people just bringing him and his name full center stage on all the headlines its disgusting and future criminals who are mentally unattached are seeing this shit everywhere and must be like "oh cool i can do that and be famous?!" STOP IT! America wake the fuck up! You are a pretty rad county dude but for fuck sake you would rather ban Kinder Eggs than fucking guns you fucking backwards country and drive on the right side of the road! I like america and its culture and have friends there but god fucking damn it!
Halloween - As a grown up i hate it. Why? Because shops and a large majority of people banging on about christmas than one day of dressing up for candy and having a horror marathon. I loved halloween as a kid but as an adult,its fucking shit! My costume this year is my security clothes as i am working!
Thomas George a good friend of mine said the following about me " Scott you are officially the unluckiest person ever! All you ever do is post of how something broke or something bad happened to you haha" It is very true fair play i am also now wondering shall i write something a book maybe chronicling all the bad shit thats happened to me in life? I think it would be interesting.
Hmm if you enjoy the things you do/did on the path you chose then was it really a bad path?
My birthday - Being born in December may seem like angelic or some shit ITS NOT! Friends or family are lazy or ill to go out with you and most places are like restricted to xmas parties or someshit so you know you are very luck to book parties or what have you. Doing stuff in the cold is not too fun i know but still i rather do something than nothing!
Christmas - I love getting presents and seeing all my family and giving them presents and the food and tv and yeah some xmas songs. What i dont like is how much it sets people back. Christmas bankrupts people man it is insane and is the most expensive holiday around and in second place is easter but i like the chocolate maaaaaaaaaahnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
Black friday - NOT THE SHOPPING ONE,THE DRINKING ONE! I have been out on black friday just twice and honestly its the one time of the year all the dick heads are out and seem to have a pass card to act like it to everyone? Its so fucking annoying! Either drink and be nice and respectful or drink and fuck off home!
2015 bits
Most listened to track of the year - Kill em all - King810
Most listened to album - Disturbed - Immortalized
Most watched tv show - The Flash
Fave game played of the year - Anything from Telltale this year i have played so yeah they have been my main faves.
Fave film this year - Force Awakens
Most played console this year - Xbox 360
Fave site worked at this year - Unity Mine.
Got laid off from a shitty job for a shitty company.
Bettering yourself costs mega bucks every year! - YES ITS FUCKING PAINFULLY TRUE! You want to lose some weight? Prepare to loosen that income too. You want to look hench? Well prepare for no income. You want to learn this skill? Please pay me £59. How about fucking off and giving people shit for free? Yes we all need to make a living but for fuck sake DONT BE ROBBING US OFF!!! NEW YEAR,NEW ME AND LESS CASH! Yes that is how it goes and its such a fucking shit thing! HOW DOES SALAD COST MORE THAN A BURGER!? WHAT WORLD IS THIS!? NO WONDER I CANT DIET PROPER!!!! Fuck this shitty corporation sheet.
Friday night 26th 2016, i did my first spot of acting in a friends film called The Case its a crime cop action drama and i played a druggie a villain now i had like a few lines but i also got the shit kicked out of me i was thrown into a locker 8 times and thrown on the floor about 6 and then punched repeatedly a lot now it was fun and did not hurt so much but the past few days after it well jesus christ i am sore!
Don't get Tesco at all. One week i could get "the meal deal" which is supposed to be £3 for £5 and the next i could get it for £3. Cashiers either have no clue what they are doing or only use of a clubcard will get you the meal deal. Weird as hell and it is doing my head in.
I have felt like a ghost at times seeing old friends and people i went to school with and knew just having them blank me....No reason. No hello. No smile. No eye contact. Nothing from them i say hello or hey or hi or alright and they walk past me looking at the ground. Fucked up! Fuck em removed those individuals from all my social media's now. Don't need ignorant people.
I have been stuck in deep thoughts of the future of late as in a 1000 years or 100 years time. Been thinking if Metal music will ever be on a classical radio station or genre. What will humans look like in our next step of evolution and if nanobots and cybernetic implants and stuff will be a thing before my timeline ends. All pondering with some reading up on theories of course.
I do find it hard to say no at times. I don't want to disappoint people. If i say i don't want to go to something can you leave it at that unless i change my mind? I am sorry i do not wish to give a crappy excuse or anything i just want to say the truth but some people do not listen and they beg and guilt trip and shit. I thought i was done with that crap in the past looks like it's coming back. In all honesty sometimes i actually mean it yes i am on the dole yes i have some funds but also i have bills to pay you know. I can not make everything i am sorry but it's true.
Asked my then crush out on a date.....she said yes......so what happened next? Had a nice date all was fine had a good laugh. Then she went from talking to me everyday to not talking to me at all. Weird right? Of course this made me question myself i asked her out again to see Dr.Strange and she cancelled 2 days before then day before it i asked if she's free maybe we can go bowling to which no reply until the day before comic con which we went together with as we had planned it for a while. All that week i was wondering beating my self up overthinking negatively that i'm no good i fucked up etc and having paranoia that someone said something bad about me to her behind my back. What also triggered the paranoid thoughts are that people who are friends were being weird about me and her going on a date. By weird i mean asking me about if me and her went out for dinner and then being quiet for a few mins then changing subject. Another friend assumed i was going to bring her everywhere with me. Weird. People have been saying things to me about the one guy who i said was quiet and changing topics about me and that girl going on a date saying that, that guy gets jealous when girls are brought into the group, it should also be mentioned many believe that guy has an ocd about one of his female friends. Anyway i tried getting someone else to go to comic con with me since she had not replied to me for a week. I failed to do that and then she got back to me the day before the con saying she's going. Anyway the con day we didnt talk much to eachother i said more words than her. It was like watching a kid all day she was so annoying she was complaining so i just said fine we'll go home then and we left early we were there for 4 hours and i wanted to stay another hour like but ah well i spent quite a bit of money there and had a lil bit of fun despite her. Anyway i have said basically fuck you to her as she can not make an effort to reply to me instead of ignore me so fuck her! Better women out there.
Just finished Firewatch what a game one of the best I have ever played. What a story. 10/10 GOTY
#AberfanDisaster my grandfather was there 50 years ago saving people's lives. Never forget the 144 R.I.P.
There's many things i hate in this world....I hate it when people get paid to say something good it's stupidly emotionless. Unlike the sweet taste of McDonald's chicken nuggets buy em now!
Was out with few mates the a day before valentines day and i went to bar to order....while waiting this nice attractive woman next to me started talking to me. I felt it was flirty but didn't know what to say so I laughed. She said to me "wow handsome ain't you tall? I'm in my boots and I still feel so short next to you. Maybe we will see eachother later" and winked at me. I was like "haha thanks yeah maybe" she left and that's when my head was like "uh yo hello? Brain to idiot she was hitting on you..." which had me have an internal conversation. "no she wasn't flirting with me no way she's too attractive for me". "You are so blind". That's when one of my mates James said to me. "That girl just hit on you dude" I was then like "huh?" James did not reply. I was left talking to myself internally again lol "idiot how could you be so blind even your friends noticed and you did not do anything other than laugh and reply shyly stupid moron". So I sat down at my table after I ordered at the bar and I was left wondering and I look to my left and a table across from me she's there. I was watching her a few times wondering if she would come talk to me again or look at me but nope she sat at a table with two guys....I was like this is odd.....I did notice though one guy who was with her kept on staring at me and James at our table. We were like "uhhh wtf is he staring at us? Uh why is that happening eh people are weird and he probably has a lazy eye or something. Half hour later those people left and then we did like half hour later. Was so odd. Now I kick myself having blown something.
"Metal music is the driving force of the wrestling industry." - @HeymanHustle
Lots of people i know were going nuts over #feedthemachine #Nickelback .....Am i missing something? It's ok i don't see anything special...Nor is Linkin Park's new song good.
Today in world news from myself....Kittens...cute yet deadly creatures....my leg was clawed.....Cat thought i was a tree climbed up me lol
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I love you very much and am very thankful for your visit.
Stay tuned for more.
Scott.
