Late Night Ramblin's - Vol 6: The Goals!

This is more of a note to myself but if you wish to take some of these in and try them out then by all means make your own list and let me know what you're goals are! 

Be more confident. Stay driven.

Be more active. Remember first 4 months of 2018 how active I was gym Monday, Wednesday, Friday? More of that!

Eat less. It's not a solution to overindulge.

Lose weight. Get this puppy fat off. 

Gain muscle. Come on go full Hulk.

Release new ebooks. Finish old. KEEP WRITING!

Get a deal with a publisher/get paid to write.

Drink less alcohol. It's not a solution or a numbing agent.

Ride a plane. Never been abroad or on a plane.

Rebrand, remimage, redeem.

Gain love. Cliché and class A cheese I know.

Stay in the present. My thoughts are dark and overcumber me at my low points need to get them away and stay in the moment.

Dont be a mat. Stand up don't let them walk over you.

Keep growing that beard. Improve it.

Get a new hair style. Dye it if you have to.

Dont be a dick, don't spam. I have come across as one at times I know but I have to control it.

Someone remind me of this and let's support eachother

written 6am

Late Night Ramblin's Vol 4: Fitness Bug Come Back!

Oh how the mighty fall.

Start of the year I said I'm going to go to the gym again and just go for it lose weight eat better I did good cheat days aside.

In fairness I did lose 2 stone and my arms were getting bigger by that I mean the muscles were actually growing haha.

Anyway work picked up and I got sick which cut me off from gym for 2 weeks and due to sickness and tiredness from work and I also top it off lost my gym card and it took my gym ages to send me a replacement but ofcourse I slipped back into the lazy shit that I am at home.

I feel ashamed to admit it but yeah I've slipped, I've messed up and gone back to this puppy fat mess that my body is.

All that progress gone.

Well the gym ain't cheap, time has to be made and I have to kick my arse back in gear and go for it again.

I need to not quit. Not to get lazy at home. I'd love to have a friend help me out be like personal trainer go for walks, jogs, pump iron, get the stamina up and help kick my metabolism and testosterone up to max.

Of course I need to sort my fussy eating habits out of junk food the likes of crisps, chocolate, burgers, hot dogs, fried chicken, curry, pizzas, chips you know that generic crap. Need to go more nutrition and protein mad.

Thing is I am so indecisive and just lazy and easy to quit and give up and go back to the state of laziness.

I ain't getting any younger, I do have joint pain and I ain't been or seem my prime state before no one has. I wonder what my beast mode would look like, course being cocky now I'd kill for Finn Balor abs.

So guy's I need your help, I need your positive vibes, feed me your energy, post comments or message me wherever and whenever just egg me on please believe in me.

I'll get started again soon as my work schedule is quieter.

Late Night Ramblin's Vol 3 - The Question Of Life And The Pondering Of Death

The universe is massive, it's ever expanding, the planet is home to 7 billion people and Earth is 4.5 billion years old. It's crazy to think about it aint it?

How did this all happen? How did we get here? How did we become alive? What will happen when we die? I don't want to die. What can i do to not have that happen? What happens? 

God I can't tell you how much of an over thinker i am. Thinking about death and questioning the point of life if we are to be gone it puts me in a state of panic. 

Writing about it right here, right now makes my body feel so cold, like the blood has vanished from my body, i feel so cold, i'm in a state of panic, my thoughts are too much. I can't handle it at times i need a distraction to take my mind away from it. I feel like i can't breathe. It's too much to handle to think about to contemplate. 

Does anyone else get like this?

I need help i know i do. 

It's hard to get off my mind, it scares me, it's scaring me now. I thought talking about it well writing about it here would be easier for me but it still hits me hard. I can't tell you how hard it hits me, like i said it brings me down and just makes me upset and just scared. 

I do believe in the power of reincarnation but i want my memories i want to live, i want life. I don't want to be switched off, the fear is too much to handle. 

What do i do? 

What can i do about this?

Distract my mind?

Make a better life to get a better mind?

I have no clue. 

It's 5am let's try to sleep and hope i'm fine in the morning and get this shit out of my head. Thanks for popping in and reading. 

Late Night Ramblin's: Vol 2 - Sad But Tr-U-Tube

Well look at the time 4am, time to get a load off my mind.

I have a YouTube channel been on YouTube almost 10 years. It's not going anywhere hasn't been for a while sadly. I stopped caring. I let the hate and negativity get to me aswell and I got mad due to it. Some day's I'd get sad due to it aswell.

My channel still stands it's "1stmetalgod" btw. I still post but I don't get views or anything none like I used to. I was never paid to do YouTube that would have been awesome but it never happened.

What's on my YouTube? Gaming clips, vlogs, stunts, comedy, enlightenment, entertainment a basic wide variety.

Why did I do YouTube? For fun and I have a passion for creating of course. For years I didn't have good gear as many others did and I suppose that's my downfall well one of.

When you have family who say "you're videos should be more entertaining and family friendly" I know and I agree. I went into YouTube thinking of myself not others.

I didn't have a good logo in particular. I had a few made for me which I love and appreciate the people who did them and their work of course but nothing which like stood out.

I didn't have any particular warming over the top openers or closers. I'm pretty self conscious and lack self esteem and confidence which I can blame on having a shitty school life what with being bullied and all. It's basically ruined everything.

So as you can see its been rough for me. What I did have however is 260 subscribers, views and comments and subscribers from all across the world and I've made some really truly special friends along the way. I can't thank everyone enough those who have stuck with me on my channel for so many years.

I don't think this is the end just yet but maybe it's the realisation of what was and the inspection of what will come. 

Thanks for reading :)