Four Words - Poem/lyrics original

Unable to sleep,

Unable to dream,

My silence haunts me,

Unable to move,

Unable to feel,

Is this really real,

Four words, you said to me,

Four words, they hurt me,

Four words, they cut me deeply,

Four words, they still haunt me,

The day was sunny, bright,

You were smiling, having the time of your life,

What went wrong, how did it go wrong?,

You said three words, which meant the world to me,

But now it's no longer true,

I'm cold, unable to warm up,

I'm numb, unable to get hurt,

I'm silent now, a ghost set to haunt,

I'm transparent and paralysed,

I'm dying on the inside,

Four words, you said to me,

Four words, they hurt me,

Four words, they cut me deeply

Four words, oh how they haunt me.

written 24/5/20

Triggered - Poem/Lyrics original

With shoulders tensed, anger swells,
My hands shake, tremendously,
I have the urge, the urge to strike,
Such mighty need, will i fulfil it,
What will it take, to tear the anger apart,

Triggered, again by insecurities,
Triggered, again by jealousy,
Triggered, again by over expecting,
Triggered, again by withholding
Triggered, by how i am feeling,

With gut at unease, rage soars,
My blood is pumping, exceptionally,
Hands clenched, knuckles crack,
What's the first thing to get smacked,

Triggered, again by insecurities,
Triggered, again by envy,
Triggered, again by past,
Triggered, unable to cope

With the room spinning,
My ears start ringing,
The eyes are blacking out,
No one is safe, not even myself,
Am i becoming a monster,
Am i becoming that which i am not,

Triggered, The rage consumes my skin,
Triggered, I'm burning from within,
Triggered, My body is trembling,
Triggered, Blackouts causing memory gaps,

Forgive me for i have sinned,
I lost control, I became that which i promised i am not,
I controlled, i obsessed, i stepped out of line,
Boundaries were crossed, Lives were at risk,
Mentally unsafe, triggered, now i plead insanity.

Late Night Ramblin's - Vol 6: The Goals!

This is more of a note to myself but if you wish to take some of these in and try them out then by all means make your own list and let me know what you're goals are! 

Be more confident. Stay driven.

Be more active. Remember first 4 months of 2018 how active I was gym Monday, Wednesday, Friday? More of that!

Eat less. It's not a solution to overindulge.

Lose weight. Get this puppy fat off. 

Gain muscle. Come on go full Hulk.

Release new ebooks. Finish old. KEEP WRITING!

Get a deal with a publisher/get paid to write.

Drink less alcohol. It's not a solution or a numbing agent.

Ride a plane. Never been abroad or on a plane.

Rebrand, remimage, redeem.

Gain love. Cliché and class A cheese I know.

Stay in the present. My thoughts are dark and overcumber me at my low points need to get them away and stay in the moment.

Dont be a mat. Stand up don't let them walk over you.

Keep growing that beard. Improve it.

Get a new hair style. Dye it if you have to.

Dont be a dick, don't spam. I have come across as one at times I know but I have to control it.

Someone remind me of this and let's support eachother

written 6am

Tips on entertaining yourself without the use of a PC/Laptop.

Helo, that's a good start right, what is up i am back with more tips on things which can help you out in your path of life. 

I gather my tips from asking others and from asking myself and from personal experience's. Today i will be talking or rather writing all about ways you can keep entertained with out your laptop and computer. I know you will most likely have your own plans already or know all of these but for the uninitiated or lost ones out there, take a gander with me to explore your surroundings and hobbies more.

Home Entertainment

We all have homes or a place we call home. We have our own rooms. We have things. Good start right? 

Music: Listen to it! Try to listen to new things. Borrow someone else’s music. Turn on the radio. Use online streaming services to listen to random music that you have never heard before. Or listen to the music you have and maybe air guitar,sing,air drum or figure out for yourself a meaning the song you are listening to has.

Read a book: Find a book, a newspaper, or a magazine. Take the time to learn something more about the world or familiarize yourself with some famous literary characters. It might take you some time to get interested in the story, but often by the middle of the book you won’t be able to put it down. Visit your local library.

Cook: If you have some time on your hands or if you feel bored and hungry, it might be an opportunity to cook food that will keep you fed for a while. Make sure you know what you are doing mind you.

Exercise: Exercise is good for both your physical and mental health.Try weight lifting. If you don’t have weights or a gym membership, just go on a job around the street, do sit ups, and push-ups etc or go for a swim somewhere.

Watch TV or play a video game: If you have played all your video games to death, set new, challenging goals to meet. If you are watching TV, experiment with a show you’ve never watched before or put on a classic movie that you’ve always wanted to see.

Spend time with your pet: Cuddle them,feed them,walk them, play with your pet. Pets keep morale up. Pet's are lovely i mean come on now do i really need to say more? Love your pets.

Clean: Cleaning may seem boring, but it is something to do. You can also make it more fun by turning it into a game. Time yourself and see how quickly you can clean your place. Put on music to keep yourself energetic. You can even put on some light body weights and a step counter to turn cleaning into exercise. You can also find neat nostalgic things or things you thought were lost.

Outside Entertainment

Go for a walk or go cycling: I live in Wales and it is beautiful to take a stroll and go see some breathtaking views up mountains and through the green fields. If there is a nice walking path or scenic hike nearby, this can be a good way to clear your head and get some exercise. Try to find some place you haven’t been before. If there aren’t any scenic nature areas around, try walking through an interesting place you’ve never been too before BUT do not get lost.

Entertainment Anywhere

Write: You can write a story, a poem, or a journal. Try to get some experience writing and get your feelings out. If you’re going to have a lot of time on your hands, start a larger piece like a novel. Once you get into it, you might not be able to stop writing.

• For a story, think about characters. Imagine what makes them special and different. Why do they do what they do? What is the obstacle they must overcome? That is your conflict. Focus on how their personalities bring them into conflict and how that conflict is resolved.

• If you’re writing a poem, try starting out with free writing. Just get your feelings down on page. Read it out loud to see what it sounds like.

• If you can’t think of your own characters, consider writing fan fiction. Some people enjoy taking characters or settings from famous movies, books, and comic books and writing their own adventures. You can share your stories later, when you have computer access again, or you can just keep them to yourself.

Draw: Studies show that drawing is a particularly effective way to banish boredom. Practice using shading and perspective to improve your artistic abilities. Many artists learn by doing “master studies,” which means you try to analyze and recreate other great works of art.

Craft: Look around and see how you can use the things around you to make art or useful household goods. With pictures and glue, you can make a nice memento for someone you care about. With wood and carving knife you can make a walking stick.

So if you have or are about to go rouge and appear offline to your computer or if you are simply bored do take these tips aboard and try them out for yourself :) 

Let me know how thing's go :) 

For now it's thanks for reading as the god is out.