Triggered - Poem/Lyrics original

With shoulders tensed, anger swells,
My hands shake, tremendously,
I have the urge, the urge to strike,
Such mighty need, will i fulfil it,
What will it take, to tear the anger apart,

Triggered, again by insecurities,
Triggered, again by jealousy,
Triggered, again by over expecting,
Triggered, again by withholding
Triggered, by how i am feeling,

With gut at unease, rage soars,
My blood is pumping, exceptionally,
Hands clenched, knuckles crack,
What's the first thing to get smacked,

Triggered, again by insecurities,
Triggered, again by envy,
Triggered, again by past,
Triggered, unable to cope

With the room spinning,
My ears start ringing,
The eyes are blacking out,
No one is safe, not even myself,
Am i becoming a monster,
Am i becoming that which i am not,

Triggered, The rage consumes my skin,
Triggered, I'm burning from within,
Triggered, My body is trembling,
Triggered, Blackouts causing memory gaps,

Forgive me for i have sinned,
I lost control, I became that which i promised i am not,
I controlled, i obsessed, i stepped out of line,
Boundaries were crossed, Lives were at risk,
Mentally unsafe, triggered, now i plead insanity.

The Trigger Finger (original poem/lyrics)

I put my thumb out, i stick my index and my middle fingers together, 

I make a gun, i point it to the side of my head, I've had enough,

I can't take it anymore, these thoughts, these nightmares, 

I put my thumb down and allow my body and my face to drop,

It's quiet, it worked? IT WORKED! It worked?!, 

This is not what i had envisioned,

I didn't want this, truly i didn't, 

What will become of my body,

What's going to happen to me,

What do i do now, This can't be real, 

Please give me another chance,

I can't face the light in the dark,

I have always wanted to be the light in the dark, 

I never wanted it to swallow me whole, 

Even through my darkest day's, my fire burns always,

That's the way it was supposed to be, 

That's how it's always been, no matter how bad things have been,

It's all gone out of my control, why did i do such a senseless act?, 

This is not what i had envisioned,

I didn't want this, truly i didn't, 

What will become of my body,

What's going to happen to me,

What do i do now, This can't be real, 

Please give me another chance,

I can't face the light in the dark,

If i could go back again, I'd change many a things, 

My lifestyle, my friends, my career, my body and mind,

I'd never change my soul or family, I have no regrets there, 

We all try and be good, caring, loving people,

As a family we fight, argue, bicker, yell, get inpatient, 

Have we ever disowned a soul?, Ha ha nope, 

Would we disown any of our souls?, Maybe one or two of the shady ones,

This is not what i had envisioned,

I didn't want this, truly didn't, 

What will become of my body,

What's going to happen to me,

What do i do now, This can't be real, 

Please give me another chance,

I can't face the light in the dark,

If the emptiness, coldness and loneliness awaits me,

I made a dumb choice and i am sincerely sorry, 

I did not expect to be visited by that in the afterlife, 

I had enough in the real life, is heaven just a fantasy,

I'm scared, i'm cold, hello?, HELLO!?, HELP! HELP ME!

PLEASE!, Please, Please..........