A Year Has Come To Pass

So it's story time.

It has been a year since my life went flipped turned upside down. Time to look back on everything April 13, 2022 to now.....

13/04/22

My girlfriend left me. Turns out she was seeing someone else, a guy I never liked who I also worked with. She claimed to hate him too, but it's obvious lies. Anyway after the split we agreed to keep in touch and be friends. Honestly, I was so hurt and upset. I was angry too. I wanted to hurt myself or worse, kill myself.

I had so much racing through my head, I immediately called Jared, and we met up I went to his. Hugged his mum and hugged Jared and went home played some games to try and just get some sort of calm to my feelings. All the while I was messaging and chatting to those people who were there for me. My family, Annika (Zin),Layla, Lewis G, Jared, James.

A few days after the break-up I went to Birmingham with my best bro James to see Ghost who are one of my fave bands and also Impera is 2022's best album.

I had unhelpful advice and messages from people also. The bad shit I was told was "go get another girl, have a rebound.", "best way over a relationship is getting with someone else", "oh she was your first it's ok don't worry these things happen.". She was not my first, she was my first adult relationship though. No I'm not a rebound or sleep around guy. This just added to my anger because boy did I feel so much anger.

A few days passed, and I messaged her about getting my things back and was left on read. She seen my message and did not reply.

In that time, I played hooky with my previous employer for a week following the break-up and I went on holiday and I handed in my notice of immediate departure soon as I returned. It was the same day as my departure that I returned my ex's things to her home and seen her dad one last time, whilst I was still left on seen message wise and had not had my things back. A month later I had a bag of my things dropped on my door step and on that same day I went to meet up with some friends and I drove past her as she was sat in her car on the end of my street, I made it look like I had not noticed her of course and went about my day.

I was eating and drinking a lot, especially drinking, I was taking a lot of tabs even with alcohol, I was a mess. It was a lot of emotions and to try and deal with, and I had to hear my inner voice and intrusive thoughts just speak so little of me and tell me I'm the bad guy. I was evil. I was to blame for all the rot and for the disintegration of my relationship of 4 years. She blocked me and during this time and processing of things you know, I'd look up her profile and check to see what she was doing and who she was seeing, and I had sneaky suspicion as to who it was, and I have seen and confirmed it, and it made me angry, I did nothing about it other than blocking the guy. I have seen people who I thought I was friends with and liked me turn on me and support them on their relationship and I seen people I thought of as friends posting "congrats, you never looked so happy", "I'm so happy for you", "you deserve each other." The same people that said the same thing to me when I was with my ex. Instead of hanging out with me and meeting up when we had free time in our schedules they would be supporting them. My enemies. That pissed me off, and it made me weed out the poison in my head's garden, and so I removed those people and added them to my hate filled anger that scathed and burnt away at me and coursed through my veins.

I went unemployed for several months. I landed a new job in a beautiful care home, but I could not stick it out because I was not well and in the right headspace for it, so I left it after a month.

There were some things I also felt I had to come to terms with and bury. I have had a lot of resent and regrets of course and I can't do anything about it. I buried my connection to being a father. Me and the ex had 2 miscarriages. So those feelings, the mindset of being a dad and the mentality I carried along with the memories I have put away, I have buried them in a box in order to cope and to move on with my life. I was a dad. I was a lot of things with my ex and through it all, I ensured I was a good man and a good father. Maybe in future relationships a lot of who I am will not come back up on display for my next partner because of the hurt and suffering I have endured during the 4-year relationship I had previously. I do still want to be an actual father to a physical child though. I've had times where I have not and right now I feel like it is something I want because I have kinda always wanted it, it's like a dream. People tend to dream about these fancy moments or dream jobs and I have always dreamt of having my own wife and kids, and so I want that to happen. I want a good woman. I want a son and a daughter. Furthermore, I am human, and these things make me human.

So to continue back to the events of last year, I dug deep into my savings almost spending every thing I had to just survive until I had a new full time job. I went 4 months without a job. My anger was still there, frustration mixed with it over being unsuccessful with employment and opportunities. My sadness was also there.

I found a new job, one I'm still with to this day and although my first month there was tough and gruelling I did enjoy it as opposed to former employers. Funny thing is, it's opposite my old employers haha and yes I did see my ex 2 times in all the time since then to now. Anyway, my first month on my new job, I injured my back lifting heavy objects, so I had some time off and came back and been OK since.

I have seen Rammstein in Cardiff and it was an insane gig! Also attended WWEs Cardiff Ppv clash at the castle.

You know something silly, I have been anxious a lot about going to the local cinema as myself and the ex worked there. I was anxious because I didn't want to run into her or her now partner, because I feared on what I would do or say out of my emotions. I feared lashing out. Happily enough, I am strong-willed and minded because I kept my cool and did not show I cared when I saw certain people and I ignored some very existence. If you don't have the time of day for me, I don't have it for you either. You are with me or against me.

Since January 2023 I've been getting into a better lifestyle and up to now I have lost 3 and a half stone. It's hard work, but it's worthwhile, same as my job.

It's currently now April 13 2023, I am in a much better mental headspace than I have been in years right now. I don't drink much and last time I drank heavily was New Year's Eve 2022. I'm not financially secure, but I work hard as hell and I get a lot of love and praise for it. From my colleagues, to my bosses to even customers, and I'm proud and happy of it and all the love and appreciation I get for all I do. Of course, I wish I had more hours and money that's my goal to work my way back up in the bank. I also want to lose 5 stone, and I'm over half way there. In spare time I'm looking for work, gaming, writing, socialising with friends, making videos, blogging, watching films, attending shows and gigs, listening to music and working out in the gym. I've had my TikTok and YouTube blow up in views.

So, to summarise life is something else, I have been down many times, but I prevail, and I get back up. I don't think I'd ever gotten back up from last year if it wasn't for my special band of friends and family. Layla, Annika, James, Jared, Chlo, Kayl, Lewy G thank you all for doing your part and then some, I love and appreciate you all. Thank you for saving this man, and thank you for cheering me on when I was struggling to continue on. The world needs more people like you all, and I hope you are reading this. Know that if you have helped me that I thank you and I love you. I always will be in your debt and I always will be there for you all, no matter what.

Thank you to my work family and work friends they have also been so lovely, supportive and welcoming to me. Chlo, Bret, Tom, Brandon, Tracy, Sophie, Eva please know I love you all and I am grateful for you all. I don't even know if you will read this but thank you. 

Now saved the best for last, my dear reader. I want to thank you for following my story and this post and my blog in general. Thank you for any and all the support given to me. Please follow and support me on my social media's and chat with me anytime you wish.

I appreciate you!

Thank you!

Positive vibes! - By Scott Jones.

Positive Vibes!

I am going to take a moment to just say something that I hope can help you reading this in some way shape or form. It's normal to get down in the dumps, what is not normal however is putting yourself down! Don't do it! I know, i know it's a hard, bad habit to break but you can do it! I have taken steps over the past few weeks to break that habit, my thinking is getting better and better, I’m a genuine nice guy, some will take pleasure in breaking that barrier others will take pain in the form of jealousy. I know the pain, i know that pleasure i have been on all sides of this. We can do amazing things, you can do amazing things! I like being nice. I hate being sad. I like helping others more than i like helping myself.

People have said "you’re a nice guy" to me for like all my life and i have always locked onto that thought to just be a nice guy always. People have also said "oh your thick, and stupid doing this and that" and i have subconsciously locked onto that negative thought and done and said stupid things mainly to live up to others standards for what they said i was, even when it is not true. We are all mad, madness makes us beautiful as they say, i don't want to bang on about all stuff you the reader scrolling along may find annoying, dumb, useless or what other negative thoughts you have. I want you to once again know that you are amazing, you can do anything you want to, don’t let others nor yourself get yourself down. I have found many a times in my life my greatest enemy was not the people around me, but rather it was myself for having that self-doubt, the low self-esteem, the low confidence, lacking that drive, the positive vibes that i am now gaining. I am loving the look of things on the horizon. Change comes not when you want it to but when you need it to! It's all fun and games making these New Year’s resolutions or what not but unless you see you need to change your ways and unless you put the work in you will not get the results you want and you will give up. Don't give up, keep going! Life has a different story for us all, we all walk different paths of this wonderful world, we all will experience life's madness of giving and taking away we all must deal with it in our own ways, in our own times and in our own lives.

I am not one bit religious by the way i am rather to myself more thoughtful and open minded of my surroundings and all the beliefs in the world. Some people need to believe in something to live, others need goals and dreams to live honestly without the two we would die. If you don't have dreams you are just going to let life pass you by. I honestly had no freaking idea what i wanted but that's when years later after maturing mentally that i realised the things i want in life are actually my dreams, that the places, the things, the shows, the gigs etc are all my goals. I can and i will achieve them all and that will not happen in one single day, but it will happen in stepping stones in the shape of days, months and years even. Some say once your dreams/goals are achieved you will die. Oh yeah? I'd like to see the goal/dream of living forever try and get me haha. In all jokes aside i have rambled on way to long here, this post is not just from my mind aimed at myself, it's aimed at others, I want to send a message of help and support to everyone today struggling, who are unhappy, sad, dreaming, overthinking, scared or what other emotions are going through you today or when you are reading this, whoever you are, where ever you are.

You are amazing! Set your goals, work towards them and achieve them one stepping stone at a time. Support is always around you. Bring positive vibes to others who need it. Tell yourself you are gorgeous, smart, funny, honest, nice and friendly. Think of the positives in your life. Focus onto them, drive away those bad thoughts, we need more bright people in this dim world. It all starts with positive thinking, stick your middle finger up to the bad. Less focus on the past and more focus on the future. We are all guilty of relapsing and going back onto the bad habits of negative thoughts but as long as you today get through the day with no bad thoughts of yourself, no arguing with others i promise you, you will see the difference and how silly you have been with the negative thoughts of yourself getting yourself down all the time. Be strong everyone. Sending these good vibes and these messages of positivity your way.

I have been asked recently "Scott how do you keep going to all these gigs, shows and events?" a very easy question to answer that I'm glad I got asked. I saved up my money from the time devouring monster that was my time in security and I am spending my hard earned cash to go and do things and to see and hear things that I enjoy in this world. You could tell me it's a waste of money and time and I could tell you spending money to get drunk is also. These shows, events and gigs I attend are all creating memories and experiences. I'd love to see others go to gigs or conventions and what have you, it’s all fun and just so enjoyable. You can make many friends. You can get into new musicians. You could get into a show you don't even watch from all these experiences. Do what you love to do and your little world in your brain will be happy. Going to gigs seeing your fave musicians ah god it's a feeling that is truly a huge mixed bag of emotions from the whole psyched up phase to the love phase to the happy phase to the point where you sing your lungs out and dance like no one else is there but yourself. Plus one unforgettable moment I love most about going to see musicians I love is when the crowd come together to sing in perfect harmony, hearing thousands of people all different ages, genders, races just singing dancing being happy just everyone feeling the power of that moment of singing to a song. It gives me goosebumps it's beautiful. I go to the shows, gigs, events because I want to, I have the money to, I want to just be a part of an electrified atmosphere and just experience it all. I love it. I love going to see these bands, I love going to watch wrestling shows, I love going to meet the people who I have grown up watching at comic cons. I love all the experience I have had with shows, gigs and what not. There's been negative moments in a few but I've always enjoyed it all.

Written by Scott Jones. 

This came from my heart,mind and soul. I want to additionally thank Maxine Day for helping me unlock this new look on life that i have hid from.

Random Ramblin's - Part 16 - F and ban guns america!

Helo! How are ya? It has been a while or it feels it to me. Sorry i have not had much to say.

Right oh so off the bat i hate being an adult, friends going their separate ways so am i and just not having time to hang with them so much but aswell as that the bad news i said i had received has put me in a place where i should be with my family for a bit more than anything. I won't go into it as i have not told any of my friends either you know its tough but getting there one day at a time and that. Uni you are taking my friends away how dare you! Job you are taking my spare time away how dare you! *sigh* Moving on.

This week there was another school/college shooting in america which fucking irritates me. The fact also the news likes to bang on about the shooting and the bastard who shot killed and injured people just bringing him and his name full center stage on all the headlines its disgusting and future criminals who are mentally unattached are seeing this shit everywhere and must be like "oh cool i can do that and be famous?!" STOP IT! America wake the fuck up! You are a pretty rad county dude but for fuck sake you would rather ban Kinder Eggs than fucking guns you fucking backwards country and drive on the right side of the road! I like america and its culture and have friends there but god fucking damn it! WE SHOULD BE LUCKY WE HAVE EDUCATION NOT GUN HAPPY! Schools in america need security and a gun ban, this is fucking atrocious. America wake up and sort the people out. The people have rights to sort themselves out but its not happening is it?! Why and how do people just go "oh i hate this class time to kill people for it" or "oh im being bullied better kill em all" if you hate a class just slack off do not go "time to pop some caps" you bellends! If you are being bullied tough it out! TAKE NO NOTICE! I have been bullied i wanted people dead but did i take weapons to school to sort the fuckers out NO! Why? COMMON FUCKIN SENSE! Violence solves nothing! Why!? JUST WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS!? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGoPT6-FVP4 sad sad day sad sad america. Honestly america get a gun ban! 

Anyway i seen dragonball z: Resurrection of f in cinemas friday night woop woop and it was amazing! First time i seen an anime film and dbz film in a cinema and the cinema was packed for it which is so good! The film was funny and great and it gave me goosebumps and spine tingling stuff from some scenes and honestly i would have preferred the film to have ended to what was being hyped and hinted at rather than the films ending but you know its nothing much i liked the ending i loved the film it all worked out well and there was even an end credits scene and for the film i definitely felt the aim of the film to be more comical but it still had the intense fighting scenes that dbz is well known for. Dbz has comedy and action and this film had both but it was more on the comedy side but anyway i have to rate it 6 dragonballs out of 7 haha a weird rating choice right? Well honestly it had to be done. The visuals,characters and soundtrack was awesome! I want more dbz films now!!!!!! 

I got a cold......colds suck! Ah i want to talk more about the new dbz film but spoilers so i have to control myself. I shaved my crappy patchy beard off. My tache still lives however haha. Update: I no longer have a cold and my beard is growing back stubbly bubbly!

Boy george looks like that guy from good charlotte these days.....

Bought all of karl pilkingtons books the other day. They were all on sale so yonk. Off to see slipknot again next year. Good couple gigs in cardiff next year i hope i can go to them all.  Off to see machine head aswell! 

blogger is so annoying at times like.

Not sure what else to write so ta ta!