It's not easy. It's tough. Once you fall into the pit, you feel weak and helpless. All you try and do feels useless. You wake up after a broken sleep, in disrepair and despair from awful dreams. Negative voices and faces come and speak. Filling your head with ill will and unpleasantry.
Those voices tell me; "You are no good for anyone. You are not good enough. You are not fit enough. No one loves you and you are not worth the time and ever feeling love. You are the cause of all the bad. Everything bad in your life is your fault."
The theme of which the voices and past shadow people present is that the abusive language and actions of them is because of my existence, because you I am fat, different, broken and too good in a world full of hate and ugliness and that I should blame myself for their actions against me.
When you get into that pit, when your mind drags you down because things are too good or because too many things are staring down your neck. Just remember to be present and to breathe. It's scary, it's worrying and stressful, let alone frustrating. You always have two options you can let the nastiness play and replay over and over and let it roll you down the hill and into a pit, or you can let it play and roll down a hill and step over it allowing the voices to go into a pit by themselves. Alternatively you can scale that hill and capture those thoughts and feelings of negativity and hold them and continue to scale up the hill and use the negativity as fuel, as a power source to get the hell up and to prove them wrong!
No one said it's easy or that Scotty J would have an easy life. Scotty J would lead a difficult life because he was born into the world with a broken leg and then Scotty J developed Epilepsy from a side effect of an injection. Scotty J spent a lot of his childhood in hospitals and being unable to remember a lot of moments and times and it's not his fault, just the circumstances were unfortunate. Despite the circumstances Scotty J prevailed and continues to live on each and every day. It's not been easy to keep going on despite health issues, family passings, betrayals and heart breaks, but he keeps on going strong. A lot of the traumas of life have been locked away and forgotten about but things get triggered as bad dreams arise and the vault is left ajar, ready for keywords or moments to make the tortured souls near and not far.
Confidence isn't my strong point for it comes and goes in different levels of strength. I overthink and I worry and I Google anything wrong and Catastrophize the worse scenarios. I've pulled myself up out of deeper pits before. I've pulled myself out of pits like this before. It's going to be okay. Tough times don't last but good guys do.
Fuel your fire to beat the pits desire.
