Lost my direction/Depressing post

I will admit it.

I will admit weakness.

I admit people laugh and joke about me.

The people closest to me make me feel the furthest from them.

They laugh at what i do.

It hurts they may not see that and i may not always show it but it hurts.

From my brother joking laughing about me taking photo's.

To other family members calling me names or to question and questioning my sexuality due to myself not having a girlfriend or kids yet. 

Photo's is where i think i will start.

I see others taking photo's and it's looking better than mine more HD and pixels with watermarks and good lighting. People commenting they love it all the time.

While i get nothing on mine. It does sadden me.

Makes me question.

Why do i take photo's for, when others are better than me?

Why?

It's hard to feel depressed or continue to be sad listening to Glorious Bobby Roode WWE NXT THEME. Will continue later maybe.

Girls are so picky though. 

Annoying with no real expectations just out of this world high as fuck expectations they have. 

Being shy not knowing many girls and not being that godly expectation in terms of looks women want is why i do not have a girlfriend as of writing. 

It's annoying how girls on dating sites say they want muscled guys with beards and tattoo sleeves uh hello not every man is like that for fuck sake and if you want to date a channing tatum just get a poster and a dildo and have fun or watch magic mike and still get a dildo and go have some fucking fun. 

There has been loves and there has been girlfriends in the past but it's been years.

Fact most if not all of my friends have girlfriends is also quite sad since everyone is off having the time of their lives and i am here left behind on a lot of times, i don't mind nor care they have their own lives but you know i wish i had what they had if that makes sense?

It sucks being a bigger man than most.

Hard time finding clothes i like and want to wear and that are affordable.

I had a new xmas job and i can not help but to think i was not deserving or good enough for it and maybe thats why i was not kept on after xmas.

I'm panicking and worrying too much.

Money. It's always over money. 

Sleep i don't get much. 

4-6 Is my best.

When i get too much sleep i hate it and myself. 

When i get little sleep i hate myself and am a grouch. 

If i have 8 hours sleep i feel it was not enough. 

So i have lost my direction, my drive, to do the things i liked or like at this moment in time, i hope normal service returns soon

Can't be having me moping around or laying down even if the drs said i need to rest my foot more since i have injured it. 

Urgh.

Hope you are having a lovely time.

Thanks for the concerns.

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And for all the support it means a lot and i appreciate everyone of you. 

KEEP SENDING ME SUGGESTIONS FOR LISTS OR TOPICS TO DISCUSS! 

Thanks for reading, see you soon. 

Scott.