Hello lets ditch the alri shall I? Alri? Lol
Right oh so its been 2 weeks since I had my tat and people before it were like "nah he wont go through with it" yet I proves them wrong now these same people go "oh its stupid I dont get it why did you have that for?!" Its so god damn annoying. It's like going to McDonalds and being questioned for ordering what you'd like to eat and its so god damn annoying. I told everyone why I had it and what it stands for yet they don't stop ribbing me about it. Just stop I dont ask why you got that shitty tribal sleeve do I?!
New album ratings*****
Disturbed - Immortalized (deluxe) - 7/10
Ffdp - Got your six (deluxe) - 6/10
Two good albums by two of my fave bands I feel theres bits missing and there's some songs that dont stick and stand out unlike others but I like these new albums despite amazon not fulfilling their pre-order get it on same day dealio. Ah well. Check these two albums out!
Things are gonna be getting more serious now so yeah sorry. I like to be a comic as much as i can but sometimes even clowns cry.
So we are near the end of 2015 and to tell the truth this aint been a good year for me but it has had its good moments. The worse bits or rather contributors to assisting how bad my year has been has been my employer. They have fucked me about and fucked me off soo much this year. I may make a one off blog post about it all but anyway I gotta move onto a downer. Past few months I have not been feeling like myself at all and I may have noted it before in a blog but i've got a book aswell I been writing in about it all a lot more and well the things that have been affecting me and that ive been experiencing I have been doing research on and well all signs point me to depression. I have been declining and questioning if its tiredness or depression but depression is the more clear answer. I'll summarise what ive been feeling now and stuff if you would like to provide help. Bad memory - cant remember driving to and from places,cant remember doing a check call when I have noted it and like unfocused. Eating more aka comfort eating. Not getting much sleep and taking longer to sleep. Worrying over how much sleep I will get,the future and death. I'm unsure if I should call this next bit parranoia but like not wanting a call from work and just looking everywhere in work see if anyones there trying break into site and if my work shows up for a visit. Loss of confidence talking on phones.Not knowing how to make decisions so basically I want to quit my job but I dont want to aswell. Unwillingness to get out of bed when I wake up for work. Wishing I was sick to constantly get days off. Feeling of not being used and of my skills diminishing due to lack of opportunities to fully utilize them.contant tiredness yet not being able to sleep like I take too long to drift off and did I already say this I cant remember. Feeling stuck restricted cut off from social time. God there's so much I bet I forgot a few. Things at the moment aint going too well. I dont think I should be driving or working like this in this mindset but I also dont want to stay with my employer. To my friends and family yes I know ive been ok happy normaish and funny but know that behind that false mask I wear the inside has been covered in rain which needs to dry. I want to finish work but I guess im nervous of writting a resignation letter and of the fact I wont quit to go to a different job straight away. I know I'll get a job or do something productive but it'll take time and in that time I can build and expand skills. If I left work I wont be able to claim jsa for 6 months aswell. I dont want to go on dole again because thats as shit as my employer. I'm doing so much thinking its driving me mental. I'm working on a site ive done before yet not done I ages for the next few days. I dont want to work it. I know I know wtf you done It before few times whata different? Its a site thats more busy and has more security its also up a mountain and I dont like driving up and down there. The road up that mountain is known for its accidents and deaths and temp traffic lights it a bad road. Fuck Im falling asleep here in work. Past 4 days i have felt much better as i have been working with others so you know thats great right? I still do forget some stuff and not be so alert driving but you know i have made improvements while work has continued to piss me off but i shall commentate on work in a blog post down the line.
Uhh i dont know what else to say but thanks for reading and stopping by as ever i thank a you and i shall see a you again.
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