Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can! Spins a web.....hang on let him just make a formula for web cartridges and let him insert them into his wrist shooters....
Ok continue....Spins a web any size, catches thieves almost like flies he stumbles a long the way.....LOOK OUT! *Spidey gets hit by a bullet* For god sake i said "LOOK OUT!" not get hit by a bullet, COME ON WHERE'S YOUR SPIDER SENSE!?
Ok let's continue the song....here falls a Spider-Man? Whatever go on....Is he strong? Listen bud he can lift more in a Stark made outfit than he can without one, what's up with that? I know he is a teen he's pretty scrawny but still he is supposed to have super human strength...jesus just carry on.
He's got radioactive blood? No he does not because the purple glowy thing in the thing is said to react to radioactivity and blow up and so if Spidey is supposed to have radioactive blood why does the glowy thing not react to him holding it? Conclusion....no radio active blood maybe?
On with the song....Can he swing from a thread? (Surprisingly so) Hey there! There goes the Spider-Man (do a flip!). In the chill of night, at the scene of a crime, in a streak of light, he arrives just in time (i guess) , Spider-Man, Spider-Man, Friendly neighbour hood Spider-Man (now that is true!) , Wealth and fame, He's ignored (Eh) , Action is his reward (Not really) , To him, life is a great big bang up (yeah if he's not passed his training wheels program), Wherever there's a hang up, You'll find the Spider-Man.
More or less i covered my review in the Spider-Man theme song for crying out loud. I love Spider-Man he was the first hero i got into as a kid. He introduced me to Marvel. I loved the Rami trilogy. The Garfield double was bad. Civil War Holland was amazing and stole the film. Spidey in homecoming in his big MCU outing well it has problems and feels more like spidey is trapped in an iron man film but yeah he put on a great performance.
Now Spiderman Homecoming review/rant will continue in full below.....
***SPOILERS AHEAD***
I would have liked a throwback 5 min origins clip and not just a two second "oh I got bitten by a spider and here we are" when really honestly it does seem 95% of the film is just him relying on Tony Stark and the suit Stark made him for his powers.
Spiderman does not need Tony Stark at all and the fact the MCU writers believe he does is annoying. They did not give him his one signature power either which is SPIDER SENSE! Yes that's right it was not in the fucking movie and that royally bugged me. There was pieces in the movie where you were like well I was like "ok a nice slow mo dodge here now...PETE WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY DID YOU NOT DODGE!? DO YOU NOT HAVE SPIDER SENSE?! Wait.......he does not have spider sense? MARVEL YOU HAVE FUCKED UP YOUR OWN CREATION, LET SONY HAVE HIM FOR GOOD!" That how i feel over the fact that he has no spider sense i did not see any part in the film where he had spider sense so if you seen that part come point it out to me so i can FLAME OFF. So yes I protested heavily in my mind about that. Maybe Spider sense and spidey's abilities come like puberty does for him? After watching civil war and spiderman homecoming again in one night it does seem he was shown off better in Civil War and may have some spider sense but its not directly mentioned or shown just now and again he will dodge a punch or something going to hit him.
Nice little Scorpion nod. Vulture was great. A lot of Vulture scenes and motives and some spidey scenes echoed that of the Sam Rami trilogy which was a nice homage i thought.
A Indian smart Flash Thompson!? Marvel stop trying to change everything in your cinematic universe to keep diversities happy, I HAVE NOT read or seen any Spidey comic with Flash not as a white jock character who bullies others. Flash is a white jock guy who bullies Pete and others in school, a simple thing to get right and you swerve and fuck that up I mean how?!
Comedy was good it did hit a bit. Aunt May, jesus Christ so lame, the movie even took the piss of her being "attractive". Michael Keaton played Vulture brilliantly and stole the show. The first guy who played Shocker I liked but the second I did not why? The first one had more of an attitude that the Shocker i know has and was like and it did annoy me Shocker only had one shock gauntlet. Holland was good very entertaining. Tony Starks time in the film was roughly half hour so more than a Stan Lee cameo. Michelle and Ned were entertaining also. If Michelle ends up as MJ you know Mary Jane Watson i will be disappointed. Lots of references to spidey abilities I liked and a certain suit.
Its a spiderman film in a iron man film if that makes sense honestly its better than Garfields spiderman but not better than Tobey's. The film I would have made much more different some parts should have been cut out honestly. I am tired of every mcu movie having to reference or bring in bits from the mcu like we get it, it's in the same universe just please focus on the characters and story and not on past events. I can't say it blew me away. It kind of ruins the fun of Spider-Man when instead of discovering the joy of his own powers, he’s just playing with his new toys. You want to see Pete struggle with his powers which ok he kinda does as he is not big on heights but he gets there but honestly, you have to have 5/10 mins screen time of him finding out his abilities you know but as Marvel said "WE AINT GETTING INTO HIS ORIGINS ITS BEEN DONE TO DEATH" Well Marvel I have to say you are lazy bastards. Batman's origins have been done to death and look it still happening, don't get lazy you rich wankers. God damn it.
I feel like a alien. Everyone has been like "IT WAS AMAZING" I have been like "It was good....just good....It has problems but it's just good nothing more." and then I have people yelling at me like "your a fucking idiot dc fanboy for disliking this film! ITS MORE THAN JUST GOOD IT'S AMAZING...NO SPECTACULAR!" I am here face-palming like "Liking DC has nothing to do with it! It's a good film take my compliment but it's no where near SPECTACULAR OR AMAZING!".... You know a lot in this spiderman film felt new and original like the characters maybe they took inspiration from newest spidey comics (which I have not read) maybe they did things just original. I am not sure but when it comes to spiderman I know what he should be like and characters around him are like.
I feel Civil War showed off Spiderman more and better in the short time he was there than the full 2 hour solo film he has.
One thing i have not touched on is the soundtrack, how was it? Pretty meh Ramones were in it twice the Marvel intro with a short Spider-Man orchestra cover was nice but i wanted it to be more fuller if that makes sense so lyrics and bit longer and more instruments. It's not anywhere near Guardians, Baby Driver nor Wonder Womans levels of epic soundtracks in movies at the moment for 2017.
I am quite convinced he does not have any powers to be honest why? He is only using them in a suit. Maybe wall crawling he has and he has strength but not to the super strength calibre that he famously has. No spider sense, his webs are made by him of course but thats nothing new but again he is only supposed to use the powers when under concealed identity so no one knows its him but you know it's common for him to not have a superhero suit and be climbing up a wall or two before he has a suit.
MCU fans and critcs love it and have no faults with it where as I have faults with it and the fact not one positive review from a critic has picked up on his no spider sense is really disturbing it must means comics have now fully transcended the "geeks only" wave to pop culture. If you have read or followed a spiderman cartoon or comic you will fully know that his signature abilities are not featured in this film well besides the webs but still. Only time he shows his powers is when he is in a suit. Now yes his homemade suit is obviously not the Stark material so it must be him actually wall crawling and not using some stark tech on his gloves and boots. He picked up a bunch of rubble so he must be strong somewhat. People said to me when I said: he has no spider sense. That "He don't need it he has Karen" KAREN IS NOT IN HIS HOME MADE SUIT AND HE HAS NO SPIDER SENSE REGARDLESS OF THE STARK OR HIS OWN COSTUME AS SHOWN IN THE FUCKING FILM!
Marvel said "we wont include spider man origins or uncle Ben because everyone knows the story so it be a waste of time to do it again".
Marvel people and well I trusted you to handle a spiderman film but look at it, it's making you look weak and incompetent. Jesus so much wrong with the movie, HOW DO PEOPLE NOT SEE THE PROBLEMS I SEE? IT SPINS ME OUT! I am here as ever going "did I watch a different film". Critics and some friends who seen it say its amazing. Theres good, bad and ok super hero films and homecoming is in the ok category. Best superhero film this year so far is Wonder Woman i would say at the moment.
I just read this quote from the director of homecoming on why no spider sense - "I feel like we have seen a lot of Spider-Sense in the previous films,” he said, “so we didn’t really lean into that as hard as they have in the previous films. But I do think it is a really interesting thing to explore.” Honestly saying that shit is more stupid than anything on the planet. He felt we seen the power too many times but is an interest to explore? That makes no sense. Of course we have seen it a lot, why? IT'S PART OF SPIDER MANS POWERS FOR FUCK SAKE! Jesus Christ how stupid can you get this director is gonna be blacklisted if I hear any other dumb comments from him from the film. Jesus more I look into the film the more a mess it looks WHY do this film if its going to be this messy did they purposely rush it? The cut scenes from the film were not supposed to be in the movie is what Jon also said. Jesus Christ Jon Watt sounds like a fucking genius doesn't he?
God damn Spiderman homecoming is winding me up lol. Also it would have been nice to see him swinging through the city at the end of the film with a monologue going on.
I think i live in a different world, i enjoyed Bat V Supes and Suicide Squad yet critics hated them and critics love Spidey: Homecoming and i thought it was half of what they say.
I seen amazing spiderman in cinema once and I seen amazing spiderman 2 in cinema three times....yes the film has problems but I liked it a lot more than amazing spiderman. I seen Spiderman Homecoming twice in cinema also.
Do they need to have another go at Spidey? YES. Will they? Most likely not now until end of MCU. Best Spiderman film? No, I will put it by Tobey Trilogy though but not first place.
Spiderman: Homecoming - 6/10
To rank all the spidey films my order would be = SM 1, SM 2, TASM 2, SM3, SM H, TASM.
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